


In the Dark

by Stonewall1862



Series: Fresh Bruises [5]
Category: Bring Me The Horizon
Genre: Dorks in Love, F/M, Fall Semester, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Moving In Together, Stealing Hoodies, anemia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-11
Updated: 2019-05-11
Packaged: 2020-03-01 00:47:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18789607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stonewall1862/pseuds/Stonewall1862
Summary: Moving in together is the next big step for Oli and Kellin, and many idiosyncrasies come to light. Kellin can't cook, hates cleaning, and why does Oli keep stealing all his clothes? As they learn to cohabitate, Kellin begins to come down with what he thinks is a cold, while noticing how friendly Oli's new personal assistant is with him as the other boy starts up Drop Dead. As tempers collide and words are said, can they learn to live with one another, or will they die trying?





	In the Dark

“I think that’s the last of it,” Kellin sighed in an exhausted tone, and flopped onto the new mattress after setting down one last box. “I never want to move again.”

His boyfriend, tall, lanky, and with a loose black tank top sticking to him in the heat said nothing and simply went over to the thermostat, and with a couple presses of the button Kellin heard the rattling of a an air conditioner, and soon heard cool air blowing in from the vents. 

“If you move I can make the bed so we have somewhere to sleep tonight,” Oliver coaxed, his affectionate eyes falling on Kellin.

“Can’t. I’m officially dead,” Kellin whined. 

“Oh that’s too bad. I guess I’ll have to eat the pizza I just ordered by myself and find someone else to have sex with tonight…”

“It must be Easter ‘cause I am out of the tomb,” Kellin popped up, following Oli to the kitchen where his best friend was digging around in the boxes for silverware. 

“Vic that box is labeled pans and glassware,” Oli pointed out, raising an eyebrow at the shorter boy. 

“Really? Oh,” Vic frowned, finding the labels on the top of the box. 

“Oli insisted on labeling everything,” Kellin chuckled. “Can’t imagine why…”

“Probably so we could find everything when we need it. For example I’m going to go find the sheets and make the bed so we have somewhere to sleep tonight,” Oli sauntered back to the bedroom. 

“I thought you said we were going to have sex!?” Kellin called after him, mostly so he could see Vic’s face crumble, tan hands slapping over his ears.

“Ew dude I don’t wanna hear about you and Oli! You two keep that two yourselves!”

Kellin continued to laugh until there was a knock at the door. A young man about his age stood there with a pizza box in his hands and Kellin called for Oli, who appeared and pulled his wallet from his back pocket. 

“Oh man you got cheesy bread too!” Vic exclaimed, having finally found the plates and utensils. 

We can waste our whole lives helplessly just patiently waiting for a love like you and me Kellin sang as he sniffed the pizza as he opened the box. “You even remembered to leave mushrooms off my side this time! You do care!”  
“Anything for you,” Oli smirked taking a slice of his side.

“Sorry Oli, but I’m sharing your side with you,” Vic apologized, taking a slice with mushrooms and banana peppers. “Kellin has this weird habit of thinking fruit belongs on a pizza.”

Kellin simply stuck his tongue out briefly before digging into his slice happily. “More for me then.”

“Man I don’t know how you two are even going to eat together,” Vic shook his head. 

“I’ll cook,” Oli volunteered in between bites. “That way we don’t lose the lease.”

“Hey! I can cook!” rebuffed Kellin.

Oli pressed his thin lip together briefly. “Like I said…”

“Guess you’re going vegetarian,” Vic winked. “If you start saying moo and the grass starts to look tasty let me know and you can come next door.”

“You have any more boxes? Or did you get them all in?” Oli asked Vic, reaching for his second slice. 

“Got them in, now I just need to unpack. Ugh.”

“I can help you while my website picks up,” promised Oli. “I’m sure it might take a little bit for orders to come in.”

“What’s your clothing line called again?”

“Drop Dead.”

“Cheery.”

“I know. I tried to get him to call it something a little more metal,” Kellin mentioned. 

“Too late. It’s already on my hands,” Oli simpered, showing the backs of his hands. 

“That just looks like it hurt man.”

“Some of us just have a higher tolerance for pain.”

“I ain’t one of them,” Vic answered, and went back to eating his pizza. 

 

By the time evening rolled around Kellin was thoroughly tired from unpacking what they could and bringing boxes up the two flights of stairs to their apartment. The buildings were set up to split single apartments with a double, so Vic had a single apartment next to Kellin and Oli’s double. The two boys didn’t need two bedrooms, and thus converted their second bedroom to a study space for Kellin, and a place for Oli to help run his small company. 

The street lamps outside had turned on, moths bumping at their window, but the air conditioner held out and their space was now blessedly cool. Kellin dimmed their lamp on their nightstand after showering, and let himself revel in the silky fresh midnight blue sheets Oli had bought. With his money from England, Oli had furnished most of their apartment, including getting them a queen bed, and had even dragged Kellin with him to the furniture store to help pick the mattress. They had laid in each other’s tiny twin beds, and even the hotel beds in the UK, but there was something thrilling about having a bed that was neither Kellin’s nor Oli, but theirs. It felt like the first step in their journey through the rest of their lives together. And it felt amazing. Everything was new and exciting, and Kellin couldn’t wait to discover everything he could when it came to living with Oli. 

The bathroom light finally turned off, Oli emerged in just his sleeping boxers, and Kellin could tell by the wait he was twisting his fingers together that he was once again a bit shy at initiating the activity that Kellin wanted very badly. The figure before him was lean and colorful, and as usual, made Kellin’s breath catch in his throat. The weeks without had been torture, and riding around on Oli’s new motorcycle had not helped anything, the closeness driving him mad. But without privacy, Kellin only became more acquainted with his hand. He wasn’t sure if Oli had found the weeks as lonely as he had, but he was hoping. Besides, they needed to christen their new bed. 

Sitting up on his knees, Kellin let his fingers tangle and still the beautiful inked ones, his blue eyes meeting Oli’s hazel ones, the intensity stirring Kellin already. “Don’t worry baby. You’re still in control of this ride,” he purred, and then proceeded to guide Oli’s hands to his hips as he began to kiss him. Their breaths mingled, and Oli guided Kellin gently back to the pillows. It amazed him that each time Oli touched him like this, it was always loving and with all the consideration in the world for what Kellin was feeling. 

After getting his shirt off Oli rocked Kellin’s hips up into his, causing Kellin to warm up the voice he was sure to be using more of very shortly. Oli apparently really loved Kellin’s ass, gripping it as he rained kisses across Kellin’s jaw line until he came to an earlobe, sucking and biting until Kellin was keening in pleasure. He forced his hands to relax or he was going to leave marks on his boyfriend’s shoulders. 

Oli continued to take his time, letting his mouth explore most of Kellin, testing here, gently biting there, until Kellin wasn’t sure they would even make it to getting his briefs off. Sex was fun, but what Oli did to him went beyond that: It was love-making. 

By the time their undergarments were off, Kellin was a panting, sensuous pile of goo, and was only becoming more vocal about it by the second, begging for Oli to take him. But once again, Oli seemed to want to spend the evening learning, touching the very sensitive flesh along his perineum as he prepared Kellin, cause the boy to almost release, his shouts becoming nearly raucous. Finally in, the raven-haired boy reached up as Oli found a rhythm, putting everything he could into the kiss, trying to explain how good the other boy was making him feel. By the time he released, it was almost painful for how hard he was. 

Afterward, as Oli cleaned them and Kellin tried to catch his breath, their eyes met again and he panted, “God you’re amazing.”

He couldn’t see Oli’s blush in the now dark, but he could certainly imagine it was there. Lips kissed the corner of his mouth and Oli answered, “I was just trying to find what spots you like so I can use them and make it better.”

Kellin just chuckled, “Of course you were.”

“Was some of it not…?”

“No, all of it was wonderful baby,” Kellin reassured, pulling his boyfriend closer under the covers. “I just mean that you’re always thinking about me first, and trying to make it really good for me. One of these days we’ll have an evening where we just focus on you.”

“That doesn’t sound-“ Oli’s voice was cut off by the shrill voice of Vic’s text tone on Kellin’s phone. 

“Ugh, what does he need?” Kellin turned and grabbed his phone from the charger, but as soon as he saw the message, he started laughing out loud. 

“What is it?” Oli asked, voice still husky.

Turning the phone, Kellin showed him the message from Vic.

YOU BOTH ARE THE WORST. TOMORROW WE ARE SOUNDPROOFING YOUR BEDROOM BECAUSE IT’S RIGHT AGAINST MINE AND YOU ARE BUYING ME EARPLUGS. I AM SCARRED FOR LIFE. I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY YOU ANIMALS.

 

“Turn for me, love,” Oli commanded as Kellin slung his backpack over one shoulder. As soon as his boyfriend turned, Oli snapped a picture. 

“I’m eighteen and going to college, not five and off to kindergarten,” Kellin chuckled. 

“You’re right. This is more important,” Oli teased back and added, “I put a map of the campus in your front pocket, and I’ll meet you at the Student Union building to pick you up after class alright?”

“Don’t worry,” Vic assured, coming to lean in their doorway. “I’ll make sure your little muffin doesn’t get lost.”

“Who you calling muffin?” Kellin scoffed, mockingly offended. 

Oli distracted him with a kiss on the cheek though and said, “Have a good day. I have my phone on me if you need anything.”

“Ok mom,” teased Kellin, and Oli watched him leave with Vic, before going over to the window and watching the two boys get in the little beat up Aries and zooming off the school a couple miles away. Peering back around their apartment, Oli felt his heart glow. How brilliant was it that they had a space of their own now? He never thought he’d make it this far, but here he was with an apartment with an amazing boy who loved him. He now understood domestic bliss, images of Kellin filling his head as he spent the morning unpacking more of their apartment, cleaning as he went. By the time it was lunch, he took Kellin’s car and ran to get groceries, mail some of his pieces out for catalogues, and then spent the rest of the afternoon setting up the Drop Dead website and making vegetarian curry. 

Turning the rice off and turning the curry low, he grabbed his and Kellin’s helmets, and mounted the bike to get his boyfriend. The large, historical, brick buildings of the giant university reminded Oli of London, but less crowded thankfully. Easily finding the building Oli texted Kellin and waited. The sun was once again beating down, and Oli regretted wearing one of his long sleeve shirts, but he didn’t want everyone gawking at him. He needn’t have been worried though, as the amount of strange people Oli saw in the short time he stood out there told him that college was a much crazier place than he could have devised. 

“Thanks so much Miranda!” Oli heard a familiar voice chatter. Turning he saw his boyfriend walking with a much shorter girl, her long black hair tucked behind her sunglasses, and her shorts barely coming down her tan thighs. 

“Oh any time!” the young woman, Oli assumed Miranda twittered happily, seeming to be enraptured by the dark haired boy. Oli couldn’t blame her. Kellin really did have an infectious smile, and an ability to draw people to him. “Who did you say was waiting for you?” she asked in a hopeful voice. 

“My boyfriend,” Kellin answered simply. “In fact, here he is. Hey baby,” he greeted, kissing Oli gently, leaving a blush on the taller boy’s cheeks since they were out in public. “This is Miranda. We have Marketing together, and I got lost on the way here…”

“Cheers,” Oli acknowledged her, watching her brown eyes look a bit disappointed. “Why am I not surprised you got lost?”

“Because you love me,” Kellin grinned, before thanking Miranda again and walking with Oli back to the parking lot. Once they were out of earshot, Kellin gave a loud sigh and extolled, “These girls are killing me.”

“Yeah she seemed a bit upset you weren’t available,” Oli agreed thoughtfully. 

“It’s not just Miranda. All day these girls are either trying to get in my pants, or if I show them a picture of you and tell them that you’re my boyfriend, they get even crazier. Like they want to watch us make out or something!” Kellin whined, a shiver going down his spine, and making the taller boy laugh heartily. 

“Ah love, that’s just girls.”

“Yeah. Good thing I prefer boys,” Kellin retorted, slipping his helmet on and his arms around Oli as he started the bike. 

Ann Arbor was a pretty college city to drive through, and Kellin vaguely wondered if Oli and he would be able to afford a house like the nice ones around the campus one day. The smell of curry permeated his nostrils as soon as he was in the door. He watched as Kellin looked around their nearly put together apartment excitedly. It seemed complete now that his boyfriend was home. 

“Get any more orders?” Kellin asked as he curled up with Oli on the couch to eat and watch a movie. 

“Thirteen since this morning. I’ll be setting up my office space all tomorrow. Can you get a ride home from Vic?”

“Yeah we have our last class together, so that should work. Hey what kind of curry is this?” inquired Kellin suspiciously after a few mouthfuls, and poking at the chunks in the yellow sauce. 

“Aubergine.”

“American please.”

“Eggplant.”

“You’re turning me into a vegetarian, aren’t you?” Kellin narrowed his eyes at him. 

“Well if you’re going to eat my cooking, yes.”

Kellin looked like he might argue, but just sighed, “I’ll eat whatever.”

“How gracious of you. We don’t need to set the fire alarm off again,” the taller boy replied sardonically. 

“I know. You’re so lucky.”

“Just for that I’m picking the movie.”

“Nu-uh! We are so watching the Crow! To celebrate my first successful day of college!”

Pretending to consider it, Oli eventually sighed, “I suppose…”

Standing to get it ready, Kellin gave him a quick peck on the lips. As Oli watched the other’s hips dance away to put in the movie, he was formed of exactly what the bliss portion of the domestic bliss felt like. 

 

The bliss was not constant however, as they both found out in the coming weeks, Despite their adoration of one another, they had very different styles of living. Oli was the first to find this out. 

By the second week of living with one another, they had a rhythm for comings and goings, though it was becoming more and more overshadowed with Oli’s work. As soon as he launched the website and set up his studio a few blocks over, the orders had come pouring in. In a way it was good, as it gave them cash flow and Oli felt the worries about his venture not paying off fade. The bad part was that Oli was still in the early stages of learning to run a business, and in the time it took him to learn banking and orders and setting up how his clothing was made from sustainable, ethical sources, not to mention actually making the clothes and then sending them out, he learned he had precious little time for anything else. Already he put an ad in the paper for one or two laypersons to make the clothing that he designed. Of course that also meant that he needed to create an employee contract, and health-care plans, and every other little thing. 

As such he still did his best to make sure Kellin and he had dinner together, make Kellin’s lunch for the next day, and keep their place tidy. But with his burgeoning work and longer hours, the tidiness and control over his space was dwindling, and if he thought Kellin might help and keep things clean, he was sorely disappointed.   
The first week hadn’t been bad, their place being so new. But by the second week. Oli was tiring of constantly reminding Kellin to pick his clothes up from the bathroom, wash his dishes after he’d eaten, put his books away when he was done with them, not leave dvd’s homework, and everything else strewn about the apartment. Oli would pick up every morning before he headed off, and usually come home to something misplaced somewhere, with the only reassurances of “I’ll get to it,” and “I’ll do it before I go to bed” (which he quickly realized were lies) to bring him any comfort. 

Finally on the Friday of their third week at the apartment, Oli was at his wit’s end. He had just spent the entire day interviewing people, arguing with the bank about savings vs checking and transfers, and dealing with the medium black cotton material he ordered having the wrong dye number so it didn’t match the material on the website. Not to mention that it was raining and Oli had forgotten a coat, and had to walk the several blocks back to their apartment when it poured. But when he walked in he simply broke.

He had left their place clean and tidy that morning after Kellin left with Vic, and now came back to something akin to a disaster. Dishes didn’t even make their way to the sink, and were left on the counter, which was also splattered with something Oli didn’t recognize. Papers and more dishes were left helter skelter on the kitchen table, and Oli nearly tripped over Kellin’s backpack as he made his way to the living room. Vic and Kellin were down on the carpet game controllers in hand as they went toe to toe in FIFA, couch cushions pulled off, multiple cans of soda open so no one could tell the empty from the full, and their rain soaked clothes sitting in a damp pile off to the side. 

“Hey baby!” Kellin grinned at him, noticing he was home. “You want to come play FIFA with us? We waited for you to make dinner…”

Exhaustion washed over Oli. How could he be mad at that face grinning back at him? Feeling the only words that might come out of his mouth would be said in anger, Oli let his shoulders slump, said nothing, and shuffled to their bedroom. He flopped face first onto the bed, not even bothering to shuck his wet clothes. He could feel the familiar numbness eating at his limbs, the very sort that didn’t allow him to get out of bed some mornings, though he hadn’t had one of those since they moved in. 

Vaguely he was aware in the change of sounds throughout the apartment. The noise from the video game was gone, and quiet descended. Kellin and Vic’s voices urgently discussed. 

“Is he broken? What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know. Let me go find out!”

Time slipped by until Oli felt a warm hand against his chilly back. “Baby you ok? What’s wrong? You not feeling good?”

Oli blinked at the wall a few times, trying to come up with an answer that didn’t harp on the other boy. “The counter was clear when I left this morning,” he said miserably. 

“What…?” Kellin asked, not quite understanding what the statement meant. Oli didn’t have the energy to explain it either. He was just so damn tired.

“M’ knackered,” Oli slurred and turned his head away. A hand carded through his thick cocoa waves before disappearing momentarily. Nearly asleep when Kellin returned, he suddenly felt a towel drying his hair. 

“Get up for me baby,” Kellin gently demanded. “I know you’re sleepy but you’re also wet, and you need to get dry. I already got you some dry clothes.” With insistence he tugged and Oli groaned as he sat up, the cool air making him shiver in his damp clothes. “See? Don’t want you catching a cold,” Kellin chattered on, helping him change into dry sweatpants and a t-shirt. Disappearing for a moment he came back with his favorite black hoodie that had formerly belonged to Kellin, and when the boy slipped it over his head, he could tell Kellin had just pulled it out of the dryer, for it was warm and fuzzy on the inside. 

“Did you eat lunch today?” Kellin asked, his blue eyes showing with concern. Oli thought, and then shook his head. He had been too busy for that. “Well Vic is making dinner so you don’t have to worry about that. Let’s go eat. I’m sure you’re hungry.”

Oli just shrugged though as Kellin pulled him up, dreading what the kitchen was going to look like now. But to his surprise as he walked out, everything had been cleaned up and put away. Papers were stacked at the corner of the table, living room back together, dishes washed and drying, and the only dirty ones were currently being used by Vic as he grabbed a spoon from their drawer and tasted a pot of something that smelled savory and delicious. 

Steering him to the couch, Kellin wrapped him in one of the fluffy grey blankets that hung on the back of the seat and made him sit, kissing the crown of his head when he stood. “I’m going to go grab you some pasole.” Oli watched him go, feeling a warmth stir within him. While Kellin didn’t always catch all his moods, he did seem to have a sixth sense for when Oli was feeling low. 

Game of Thrones had been turned on in the absence of FIFA, and Kellin came back with a hot bowl of pasole for each of them, proceeding to sit in the middle while Vic sat on the other side. 

“Is this the season with the red wedding?” Vic asked as he dug in. 

“I think so,” Kellin answered. “Rob’s still alive at least.”

As the other two boys chatted, Oli nibbled at the dish. It was hot and a little spicy, but as comforting as his black hoodie, or Kellin’s hand tenderly rubbing his back after they had finished their dinner. Now deep into the episode, full and warm, Oli curled up at Kellin’s side resting his head on the other boy’s shoulder and blinking owlishly as dozed through the rest of the episode. 

Oli didn’t notice the quiet until he heard Kellin’s voice bidding Vic goodbye, the other boy shifting beneath him and waking him up. “Hey sleepy head. You ready for bed? Vic even cleaned up the dishes for us so we don’t have to.”

Like a lamb following a shepherd, Oli stepped behind him, keeping the hoodie on as he climbed into bed. Kellin didn’t complain though, simply rearranged them so Oli could lay his head right over the other boy’s heart, strong arm holding him close. He didn’t speak for a moment, and then inquired softly, “It was the mess wasn’t it?”

Oli froze, but the nodded. “Yeah. Fookin’ long day. Interviewed a bunch of people. Argued with a bunch more. Had to send back material. And I just spent so much energy cleaning that morning and I came home and it was like I never even had done it. I can’t…I can’t think when it’s messy with bits’n’bobs everywhere. And I hate telling you what to do all the time. I’m not trying to be a cunt. But rehab taught me that if I’m orderly and stuff on the outside, sometimes I can feel more orderly on the inside too.”

The arm around him tightened gently. “I didn’t know it helped you think. I’ll do my best to keep it more clean, ok?” he reassured, kissing Oli’s now dry curls and letting the hand drift under his hoodie to the soft skin just above his hip. “If your work is getting to be too much for you, why don’t you get a secretary? They could help you with the business side of things.” 

“Aye…I will…” he answered with a yawn. Feeling at least a bit better, he shut his eyes and drifted off. 

 

It would have been perfectly fine had mess been Kellin’s only fault in living with Oli, but others had cropped up as well. Some were just things Kellin needed to learn when living on his own, and others were learning that Oli was a constant, and that being in an apartment with him, meant that he needed to be conscious of that fact.

Shortly after the Friday mess incident, Oli came home to find Kellin studying at his desk, some form of loud music playing. He had his headphones in but Oli could still hear it from the doorway. Shaking his head affectionately he turned and decided to shower before making dinner so he didn’t bother Kellin while studying. 

Slipping from his clothes he stepped into the shower, only to have the water pool around his feet. Why wasn’t it draining? Frowning and soaking wet, with his hair half rinsed, Oli bent down to inspect the drain. Unscrewing the plug he pulled it up and almost gagged. Long black hair was tangled up in it, and Oli knew exactly whom that was from. Setting the drain plug aside he finished rinsing, washed the rest of himself, and then dressed.   
Wrapping the drain plug in a towel, Oli came back to their study and flicked the lights to let Kellin know he was there. Slipping the head phones off Kellin smiled brightly at him, “Hey you’re home! Did you hire that secretary?”

“Yep. She starts tomorrow. I’m glad you suggested her. I think she’ll help lighten my load considerably. I do have one small request for you though.”

“Oh?” Kellin tilted his head. 

Trying to keep a straight face, Oli began, “Kellin, I love your hair. Dearly. Never want you to change it. But it does come with certain, responsibilities, let’s call them.” Sauntering over with his hands behind his back, he continued. “Do you know how much you shed?”

“How much I what?”

“Hold out your hands please.”

Brow pinching in concern, Kellin reluctantly held them out. Oli unceremoniously dropped the plug, tangled with hair into Kellin’s hands, causing the other boy to let out a shriek of disgust and jump up. Oli laughed until Kellin swayed dangerously, the taller boy shooting out a hand to grip Kellin’s arm and steady him. Still chuckling he asked, “You ok love?”

“Yeah I just stood up too fast…” Kellin mumbled, blinking to clear his head. “And what the heck was that?!”

“That was the drain from the shower. Would you mind cleaning it of your hair once in awhile?”

“That’s disgusting,” the dark-hair boy mumbled, making a face.

“No, disgusting was when I went to take a bite of my cereal this morning and I found one of your hairs in the milk,” Oli gently corrected, letting his tone tell Kellin he wasn’t really angry about it. Plucking up the drain plug from where it was dropped, he asked, “You want me to make dinner and you can just keep studying? I know you have midterms in a couple weeks.”

Kellin stretched though and shook his head. “Naw, I was falling asleep looking at it. I need a break. I’ve been really tired lately.”

“Probably because you’ve been working so hard. Let’s go fuel that super brain of yours,” the taller boy encouraged. 

They had figured out quickly that Kellin was not allowed to handle the glass wear after the first week when they had gone through two glasses and a plate. Kellin had been mad at himself, but Oli had quickly reassured Kellin that it wasn’t a big deal and that it was absolutely ok. This weirded Kellin out, having always been yelled at it as a kid since it wasn’t cheap, and his mother had to replace those. Later that week when he asked about it though (and really wished he hadn’t), Oli had confessed quietly that his father had sometimes beaten him for being klutzy, so he made it a point to never be mad at Kellin for breaking anything. 

Oli did not trust Kellin to chop, slice, or do anything with a knife, so typically Kellin was relegated to sauce duty, which he never seemed to mind. In fact, having Kellin in the kitchen was kind of nice, as the other boy had taken to singing while he cooked, which always pleased Oli to no end. What he sang, however, was always a surprise. Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Linkin Park, Dance Gavin Dance; all had come out of his mouth at some point, including lyrics of his own. Typically it was a good surprise, but on the day of the hair in the shower plug, it was less so. 

Oli was chopping carrots for their stir-fry and was having Kellin stir the rice and keep an eye on it while sweating the onions in another pan. Swinging his hips in a way that Kellin knew drove Oli crazy, he began to sing softly to himself as he stirred the onions. 

My eyes roll back, the ceiling fades,, I breathe you in, Exalt your flames, Let's lose our minds, come here to me, We're wasting time, Darling, can you hear me?

It wasn’t anything that Oli recognized, and he let it wash over him while he moved onto the tofu that was marinating. 

Heroine, my sweetest sin, I can't seem to get enough, Pull me under, wake me up, Feel the rush, Morphine lover make me numb, Make it so I can't get up, Paper-thin till, you sink in, Could you be my heroine?

He dropped the tofu on the cutting board, causing it to break. He froze. Part of him knew that Kellin wasn’t thinking, and was just singing, and it was ok. Another, anxious part of him swirled with memories of a flat, a needle in his arm, and the blissful, numbed feeling Kellin was describing. He felt sick. 

“You ok baby?” Kellin asked, pausing his singing and looking over to where his boyfriend had stopped cutting and was staring at his broken tofu. 

Coming too, Oli nodded with a jerk. “Er-yeah. I’m….it’s fine. Just slipped.”

“That’s my job to be the klutz in this relationship,” Kellin joked, and Oli tried hard to give him a small smile. 

The stir-fry came out fairly well, despite the broken pieces of tofu. Together they splayed on the couch as Kellin turned on Friends. “Feel better?” Oli asked, as Kellin finished his bowl.

“Yeah that definitely helped. It’s not bad, for being rabbit food either. Did you get many more orders in today?”

“Aye. I’m really glad Hannah is starting tomorrow. Just got in a huge order and several small ones. The huge order will be finished up in December though. They wanted custom pieces for their shop, so I need to design and get cracking on them. I don’t think I’d be able to get it all done by myself and then with both Matt’s running the machines. I think I may need to add a third there as well,” Oli said thoughtfully. He could run the numbers by the bank tomorrow. 

“I’m so happy for you baby,” Kellin grinned, letting his bare feet play with he taller boy’s. “I knew you’d be amazing at it.”

“That’s because I got you. Without you, I wouldn’t have even tried,” Oli mumbled, and picked at his half finished bowl.

“So wet,” Kellin teased, sticking out his tongue. 

 

Oli spent the next day doing his best to forget the lyrics Kellin had been singing. Hannah turned out to be happy and willing to do whatever Oli asked her to do, which worked great. She was capable, thorough, and detail oriented, and made short work of the smaller orders while Oli worked on the designs for the larger one. With the new income flowing in, he had even allowed himself a nice designing desk to come up with new pieces. The space he rented was split into two sections. One was quieter for administrative and logistics work, while the other half was full of the equipment to make the clothes. Both Matts were hard working and Oli got along with them very well. One was even vegan, which earned him the subsequent nickname. The other Matt was sardonic with a sense humor, and plenty of tattoos, and Oli enjoyed his company greatly. It felt so surreal at times to be spearheading a very successful small business, as if he were living someone else’s life. He never thought he’d get this far, and he felt he owed much of that to Kellin. 

As such he stopped by the grocery store on his way home, now that he had time to do so with an extra worker, and picked out a tiny chocolate cake that would be perfect for the two of them. Beyond hobnobs, Oli had never been much about dessert, but he knew that Kellin adored chocolate anything. As far as Oli was concerned, with all the studying Kellin was doing, he deserved it as well. Sometimes when he thought about how hard Kellin was working and all his papers and assignments Oli always saw him busy with, his heart nearly burst from pride. College was never a good option for Oli, but he loved seeing Kellin excel, and wanted to do everything he could to support him. 

The weather had turned cool, but the days were still warm enough to walk home with just a hoodie on. Bounding up the flights of stairs two at a time, Oli slipped into the apartment quietly. He could tell Kellin was home, as the backpack was thrown onto the kitchen table, and Oli could hear Kellin’s voice faintly from the study. 

Setting the little cake on the table he peaked in. It had always been one of his favorite things since he’d met Kellin, to watch his handsome face concentrate. With a pinched brow and lips worrying the cap of his pen, Kellin was effortlessly attractive as he focused on his worksheet, his body never still as he wiggled in the chair. It was then that Oli heard it again. 

Heroine, my sweetest sin, I can't seem to get enough, Pull me under, wake me up, Feel the rush, Morphine lover make me numb, Make it so I can't get up, Paper-thin till you sink in, Could you be my heroine?

The middle cushion of a couch. Chattering all around him. The stale smell of beer. THE NEED. The fine prick of the needle. The fading of the importance of everything around him…

“Oli…Earth to Oliver…this is mission control…”

Blinking, Oli returned to their little apartment in Ann Arbor. Kellin’s face stared at him from his desk curiously. “You ok?”

At first, Oli couldn’t make himself speak, but eventually muttered. “Stomach ache. I’m just going to have a lie down.” On cold feet he shuffled back to their living room, slipping his hood up and gingerly lying on the couch, having to curl his long legs to fit. Almost immediately he felt Kellin sit behind his legs, a comforting hand rubbing at his thigh.

“Ok spill. That’s the second time you’ve stared at me like that in two days. Did I do something…?”

“It’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing.”

“It’s stupid then.”

“I doubt it.” Kellin reached and held onto Oli’s hand, which was originally wrapped around his abdomen. It really was making him sick to his stomach. 

Blue eyes watched him earnestly. “You know I love it when you sing right? And I don’t ever want you to stop…” he began, trying to figure out how to phrase it without it being awful.

“Yeah…?” Kellin nudged, letting his thumb roll over Oli’s knuckles.

“Can you…can you not sing that song?” Oli asked, his voice unsure. 

“Which song?”

“The…the song about…heroin.” He looked away, not wanting to see those ocean eyes become disappointed. “See? It’s stupid.”

“Oliver Sykes,” the sweet voice said his name fully, garnering the amber-eyed boy’s attention. “It is in no way stupid that you’re uncomfortable with me singing about that. And I’m so-“

“Please. Don’t apologize,” interrupted Oli. “I love your voice.”

“I know. But you know that I also don’t think sometimes, and when something is making you uncomfortable, you can always tell me. I know you love hearing me sing. I promise I won’t stop singing, but I won’t sing that song anymore. Ok?”

Oli nodded, though still felt terrible for asking. His boyfriend though, was having none of that, and tugged on Oli’s hands to get him up. “C’mon! I saw someone brought me cake!” As he went to stand, Kellin swayed again, and Oli caught him. 

Once more, Kellin shook his head and seemed to refocus, but Oli was concerned. Kellin had never had problems with dizziness before. And did he seem a bit pale? “Do you think you should have this checked by someone?”

The shorter boy just laughed at him though and stretched. “It’s just from being cramped up and studying all day. No big deal. You’re such a worry wart.”

“One of us has to be,” he muttered, and allowed himself to be led to the kitchen. One of Oli’s favorite things was to watch Kellin be enthusiastic about anything, and cake seemed to do the trick. After eating their leftover stirfry, they retreated to the study for Kellin to re-read some notes, and for Oli to take care of their bills, but he glanced over now and again, soaking in the joy on the other boy’s face as he absently nibbled at the cake, flipping page after page in his notes. 

Kellin could be many things, but most importantly he was Oli’s rock, his port in the storm. Without him, Oli was very sure he would have given up long ago. Sure, he used up all the hot water for the shower, could be forgetful, a bit of a klutz, but Oli certainly was not without his faults.

 

Kellin noticed it had been happening for weeks now. It irked him, but usually he let it slide. But as the weather turned cold and Halloween came upon them, Kellin had to put his foot down. 

It didn’t help that he woke up late, the covers pooled at Oli’s side as per usual. He was cold, and achy, and prayed he wasn’t coming down with something. He just had to make it through the next week or so of midterms, and then he could collapse somewhere and take it easy. But right then he had to get up and make it to his Calculus class for the test. 

Dressing quickly, he pulled open his drawers for a shirt, and found…one. Wait a minute- he had done the laundry the other day! Oli might do most of the cleaning, but Kellin was in charge of the clothing. How could he already be down to one shirt? Whatever, he could grab a hoodie to stay warm. Rushing out to the study for a hoodie, he opened the closet doors to find all of his gone. “What the fuck?!” He literally had just put them back in the closet the other day!

Storming out into the kitchen he found Oli setting a bowl of oatmeal with raisins and honey at his designated spot, wearing one of Kellin’s hoodies that he had put away. “There they are! I can’t find any of my clothes! You keep stealing my clothes!”

Looking down at his hoodie Oli then looked innocently back up at him, eyes widened adorably. “But…it smells like you…and I think having you with me when I’m at the studio.”

Kellin felt the rage flee him faster than a con-man from the police. How could he be mad at that face? He could feel his frown become a smirk. “Ok baby, we need to lay some ground rules then. Two of my shirts, one of my hoodies. I need the others to wear.”

“I could make an argument that you would be perfectly fine naked,” Oli teased. 

“Pretty sure my professors might have something to say about that,” Kellin rolled his eyes and slid into the chair as Oli gave up the hoodie for him. One of Kellin’s shirts was underneath, the bright colors of the band name highlighting the colors along Oli’s skin. 

“Maybe about how handsome you are. Nevermind. I don’t like the idea of all those girls you talk about seeing you naked.”

“At least I only bat for one team,” Kellin replied, taking a bit of oatmeal after getting the hoodie on. “And those girls are definitely not on it.”

“Oh come on, girls aren’t that bad. They’re just different. Softer, and more curvy. It’s just like enjoying two different flavors of ice cream.”

“I’ll stick to my plain chocolate,” Kellin grumbled. Sometimes he forgot that Oli was attracted to both men and women. 

“Suit yourself,” Oli said, packing Kellin’s lunch into his backpack, and then coming over and kissing the crown of raven hair. “Good luck on your calculus exam. I know you’ll do great.”

Standing slowly, Kellin let the loved feeling wash over him. “I’ll be fine. It’s Vic we need to worry about…”

“Aye. Maybe we should invite him to dinner so he isn’t alone.”

“Every time we invite him, we just make him cook though,” Kellin chuckled. 

“I’ll order pizza or take away so he doesn’t have to then. This is your last midterm right?”

“Yes, thank God. I just want to sleep for the next two weeks.”

“Well you better hurry up,” Oli slapped his ass, just in time for Kellin to give him a scandalized look. 

 

Food, as it turned out, was the worst source of contention in learning to live with one another. The first week had been filled with burn smells until it was decided that Kellin was to be kept out of the kitchen. This improved the smell of the house, but with Oli in the kitchen instead, Kellin was forced to accept becoming a vegetarian. They had thought of breaking up food duties by having Kellin go grocery shopping and Oli doing the cooking, but that had ended in veritable disaster. The raven haired boy had come home with bread, snacks, peanut butter, ice cream, and frozen pizza, leaving Oli bewildered as to where the vegetables, and fruit were. He gave up after Kellin showed him the pack of gummy fruit snacks he had bought. 

The alternative of just Oli grocery shopping wasn’t much better. 

“Where are the chips?” Kellin had asked as he looked through the bag. 

“Chips? You mean crisps?” Oli replied, clearly confused as he brought up the last of the bags from Kellin’s car. 

“Yeah the fried potatoes that come in a bag. Where are they?”

“I…I didn’t buy any,” Oli admitted, slowly setting the last bag on the table. “Did you want some?”

Instead of answering, Kellin peaked through each of the bags. Onions, asparagus, spinach, lettuce, tomatoes, apples, oranges, grapes, roasted nuts, rice, noodles, tea…

“There’s no snacks!”

“There are too! I got some pistachios here,” Oli said, pulling out the bag. “I got some raisins, and they had dates on sale…”

“No! Real snacks! Like chips! Or cheetoes! Salsa! Zebra cakes! Ho-ohs! Not dried fruit!”

Oli simply gave him a tired look. “I didn’t know you wanted any. Would you like me to go back and get some?”

Sighing, Kellin rubbed at his face to calm himself. Getting mad at Oli like this would only backfire at him, but he also really wanted hostess snacks. “No…no I have a better idea. Obviously both of us have different eating habits, so from now on, let’s just make it sort of a date, an we’ll go together. Ok, baby?”

His boyfriend seemed to brighten at this, especially the idea of spending more time with Kellin, and together they put away the last of the groceries. This smoothed out their eating consistently; Kellin made sure he got the snacks he wanted, though was limited by Oli so the boy didn’t live off them exclusively, while Oli made sure they had real fruits, vegetables, and with Kellin there, could make sure he got ones that they both liked. 

With Oli cooking, and Kellin helping him grocery shop they struck a balance that most couples that had just moved in together wish they had. Despite their challenges, the good outweighed the bad. Movie nights, hot sex, snuggling on the couch, eating together, all of it outweighed the little arguments about hogging the blankets, cleaning up, hair in the shower drain, and using each other’s clothes without permission. Or, at least it seemed nearly perfect until it very much wasn’t. 

 

“Love, c’mon! You’ll be late for class!”

Kellin winched an eye open and shivered. Had he left the air-conditioner on again, or had Oli been hogging the blankets as per usual?

“I packed you an oatmeal bar and you have some left over curry in your thermos for lunch,” Oli explained as he grabbed some clothes for Kellin. The muscle aches that Kellin had been experiencing for the past week made themselves known as he rolled out of bed and too the bathroom, the usual dizziness that seemed to accompany his mornings nowadays causing him to shuffle slow. How could Oli be so awake in the mornings?

With a yawn he gratefully accepted the clothes Oli had plucked from the drawers, noting that the other boy was freshly showered and wearing one of his own shirts for once, lean limbs accentuated by the length. It wasn’t fair that he was effortlessly that attractive first thing in the morning.   
After washing up, he was out the door with just a peck on the cheek for his boyfriend. 

“Mama Oli get you up in time I see?” Vic teased as Kellin met him downstairs. Fridays they had calculus first thing, and then civics. With the end of midterms, neither class was promising to be particularly stimulating. 

Kellin rolled his eyes. “I wanna see you call him mama Oli to his face.”

Laughing, Vic backpedaled, “No thanks! I’ve seen your boy toy beat the shit out of people before. I don’t mean to be one of them!”

As soon they made it to the little aries, Kellin slumped into the passenger seat with a groan. He really wished this cold would just get on it and work through his system instead of teasing him like this. He hadn’t been sick in forever, and he couldn’t remember ever being this stiff from it. 

“You ok man? You look kind of pale…” Vic asked as he drove the few blocks to school.

“I’ve been on the edge of a cold since midterms. I just wish it would work itself out already,” Kellin sighed, watching the houses slide past. He should probably eat his granola bar, but with the cold his appetite had been on the fritz as well, and he wasn’t very hungry at all. 

“You sure you shouldn’t stay home? Mama Oli would take care of you…” Vic said as they entered the lecture, but Kellin could hear the worry in his voice.

“He’s got some big shipments he needs to get out, so he’ll be at work all day,” Kellin grumbled and flopped into his seat.

The professor handed back their midterms, and Kellin could hear Vic’s audible sigh of relief, as the other flashed him his c+. Kellin had an A, but calculus was one of his better subjects anyway. He gave Vic the thumbs up to congratulate him silently. The professor droned for a few moments about new material, and then wrote a couple of different problems up on the board for the students to pair up and work through. Vic and Kellin were assigned a problem at the very edge, being a limit computation. 

“It’s all you buddy,” Vic encouraged with a grin as Kellin shuffled slowly to the board. Kellin stared up at the numbers and symbols in black marker on the board. Squinting he knew that he knew them, but they weren’t making any sense. His head was pounding and suddenly he felt nauseous and hot. What was wrong with him? 

“Kellin?” He could hear Vic’s voice inquire, but it sounded far away. The board was swimming before him, and he couldn’t see his friend. He was getting tunnel vision. Before he could even register that he was collapsing, everything went black.

 

“So they would like to add at least 50 more to their order,” Hannah explained, leaning over Oli’s shoulder and pointing at the numbers on his screen. Oli could smell her perfume. Plum?

“That’s going to be tough to get done in time. Will we be able to make that?” Oli asked, moving away so he could see her. She was pretty enough with a slight build and ornate little tattoos here and there. Her black hair was pulled back, bangs framing her face stylishly. Oli never had a dress code for his office, and made it a point that as long as employees were safe, they could wear whatever they wanted. As such her Lolita dress suited her just fine, and she vaguely reminded Oli of Alice in Wonderland, which in turn made him think of Kellin and drinking tea in London. 

“I think we should with some hard work,” she encouraged. “It’s the curse of being as talented as you are.”

Oli just shrugged though. “People just like the design.”

Hannah looked as though she were about to refute that staement, but Oli’s cell phone rang and he looked at it to see Vic’s number on it. Why was Vic calling in the middle of the day? Wasn’t he at class with Kellin?

“’Ello?”

“Oli! Oli don’t freak out, but I need you to come meet me at the hospital,” Vic’s voice sounded on the other end Immediately the hair on the back of Oli’s neck went up and his stomach churned. 

“Where’s Kellin? What happened?” He was already out of his seat and grabbing his (kellin’s) black hoodie. “Which hospital?”

“He passed out in calculus. They’ve got him in an ambulance, but he was already coming to when they were loading him, so there’s that.” Vic rattled off the hospital and Oli let him go, running the eight blocks home to get Kellin’s car and then sped to the hospital, his heart never slowing down. He knew Kellin wasn’t a hundred percent. He’d had those dizzy spells lately, and he hadn’t been hungry the night before, and he had seemed pale…

Parking, Oli didn’t bother to disguise his panic as he ran into the emergency waiting and easily found Vic waiting for him. The shorter boy’s hair was all over the place and he kept pacing. He had never seen Vic so panicked, even when Kellin had been kidnapped. 

“What did they say? Have they said anything? Is he stable?” Oli rushed, holding Vic still to get the answers. 

Vic just shook his head. “They haven’t come out yet. We should call his mom.”

“Let’s find out what’s going on first,” Oli frowned, and collapsed heavily in a chair to wait. “It could just be a bad cold,” he said aloud, though he wasn’t so sure it was more an attempt to comfort himself and Vic. 

“He hasn’t been sick in forever,” Vic murmured, sitting next to Oli. The taller boy swallowed bile down, trying to stop all the terrible thoughts from running through his head. There was nothing he could do for Kellin but wait until the doctors knew more. But still his anxiety surged, making him shake every once in awhile. 

Together the two boys sat in the uncomfortable seats. After a couple hours that seemed more like a few days, a nurse came out and called for them. 

“The doctor will see you over here,” the nurse led them through the halls to a private room, and Oli shared a glance with Vic. Good news was never given in private rooms. 

“Hi I’m Dr. Roberts. Kellin Quinn’s family?”

“This is his boyfriend Oliver and I’m his best friend, Vic,” the boy said, shaking the doctor’s hand, and Oli was grateful to him for taking the lead. He wasn’t sure he could open his mouth without vomiting. 

“Are you his medical proxy?” the doctor asked. He was young and decent looking, but seemed rather tired. 

“Yeah,” Oli answered automatically, his voice barely above a whisper. “What’s wrong with him?”

“Well that’s what we’re trying to figure out. We have his blood work back and everything looks rather strange. His organs seem fine, but his minerals are all out of wack, and his iron is dangerously low. In fact if I can have you sign these papers, we really need to give him an iron infusion, but can’t do it without a signature. It will at least buy us some time for further diagnostics. Unfortunately right now, with his calcium and electrolytes reading as they are, along with the anemia, we’re highly suspicious of Leukemia. We’re going to do some more tests to confirm though, alright? Would you like to sit with him?”

Oli let the words wash over him. Leukemia. His boyfriend had cancer. He couldn’t breathe.

“Yes please,” Vic said.

After signing the papers for the iron infusion, a nurse lead them to a small private room on the second floor where the setting sun cast melancholy shadows across the figure in the bed. Kellin lay with an IV in his arm and nasal tubes supplementing his oxygen, his blue eyes catching them sluggishly.

“Hey you’re awake,” Vic grinned, though Oli could tell it didn’t quite reached his eyes. “I should have tried this trick during the midterm if it got me out of calc,” he added trying to lighten the mood, and Kellin chuckled weakly. He was so pale. 

Pulling over a couple chairs, Vic sat on one side while Oli sat on the other, picking up his hand gently, mindful of the IV, noticing where it dived into the swirls of ink along his right arm. “How are you feeling?”

“Like someone tried to run me over a few times, but other than that pretty good,” he tried, squeezing Oli’s hand gently. “See? The nurses even managed to tie back my hair pretty good,” he added, gesturing to his ebony locks, now pulled back. “Not as good as you can though.”

A nurse came in with a bag of something dark. “I have your iron infusion right here dear. This will get you feeling better,” she said as she hooked it up. “I’m going to check on you in about five minutes to make sure there’s no reaction. Let us know right away if you feel lightheaded or itchy or if you’re having problems breathing.”

“Will do,” Kellin nodded, but Oli could tell he was tired just from the effort it took to follow her. True to her word she was out and then back in, and everything looked like it was running smoothly. After she had checked, Kellin let his head tilt toward Vic. “Can you do me a favor?”

“Call your mom?” Vic predicted, his face somber, and Kellin nodded. 

The other boy’s eyes looked suspiciously wet as he stood. “I’m just going to go out in the hall and call her and give you guys a couple moments, ok? I want to call Rachel too.”

Kellin lifted a hand in farewell, and sighed as Vic left. He was quiet for several moments before he let glace meet Oli’s. “They told you didn’t they? What they think it is?”

Oli couldn’t say the word, and instead felt hot tears begin to drip from his eyes, and he gripped the cool hand a little tighter. Cancer. His boyfriend likely had cancer. 

“Oh baby don’t cry,” Kellin whispered, trying to give him a watery smile. Freeing his hand he reached up and held Oli’s cheek, letting his thumb wipe at some of the tears. 

What could he say? How could he convey what this probable diagnosis did to them? As he could not sing, Oli gripped the sheets and squeaked through his tears, “Who will fix me now? Dive in when I’m down? Save me from myself, don’t let me drown. Who will make me fight? Drag me out alive? Save me from myself, don’t let me drown, Cause you know that I can’t do this on my own…cause you know that I can’t do this on my own…cause you know that I can’t do this on my-“ Sobs bubbled up and Oli couldn’t finish, instead letting Kellin’s hands guide him to the other boy’s shoulder. His entire world was shattering around him. Their little apartment, their bed, their couch, all the things they shared. It wasn’t just one person’s any more, just as their lives weren’t quite their own. Their souls so thoroughly belonged to one another, and Oli couldn’t bear to think that he might have to go through life without Kellin at his side, let alone watch him deteriorate and die. 

Holding each other, Oli could feel Kellin shaking with sobs as well as the shorter boy rested a wet cheek against the taller one’s chocolate waves. “I don’t want to leave you alone. I don’t…I’m scared…”

“I’m going to be with you through all of this, no matter how it ends,” Oli choked out, pulling himself up kissing Kellin sweetly, the from their tears mixing in. “And on my deathbed, all I’ll see is you,” he murmured gently, resting his forehead against Kellin’s, both of them still crying. 

They held each other like that for several minutes until Vic came back in. When he saw the other two boys crying, a few silent tears escaped from his own eyes and he brushed them away quickly. “Your mom is on her way. Rachel said she’s gonna drive down and visit this weekend too,” he said quietly, and collapsed into the chair. 

“Thanks,” Kellin said in a wet tone. Silence descended upon them, and Oli let himself crawl back to the chair so that Kellin could be more comfortable. “I just thought it was a cold y’know?” the dark haired boy began softly. “I was sore and tired, like I was getting a cold or something…”

“You had those dizzy spells too,” Oli added, his voice raw from crying. He so badly wanted to break down again, but couldn’t with Vic there. Besides, his boyfriend was scared, and he needed to be tough for the both of them, at least once in his life. 

“Your mom might have a better idea of what to expect,” Vic offered, picking at the hospital bed sheet, his knee bouncing up and down. “She sounded almost angry on the phone.”

“Probably mad that I didn’t go to her hospital,” he scoffed. Silence descended, and Oli watched and Kellin relaxed against the pillows he was sitting up against. He really was so pale and exhausted looking, and it tore Oli up inside. Kellin had always been so strong and solid in his mind, even when he needed a little confidence boost. He was energy. He was soul. He was life itself. Now he was empty and tired, fizzled out, and Oli didn’t know how to replenish him. 

A few stray tears trickled down now and again as they sat together, until Ms. Quinn bustled in, talking with another nurse. 

“-bloodwork yet? I want to see the numbers myself if you don’t mind. I think I might have an idea of what’s going on. Oh honey,” she greeted, seeing her child in the hospital bed. Oli moved out of her way, but she pulled him into a tight hug first, before leaning down and holding her son for several moments before composing herself. “I leave you three alone for two months and you still have to try and give me grey hair.”

Kellin just shrugged, but didn’t let her go. “Did you talk to the doctor?”

“Yes, and they still want to run more tests, but I had some questions for you first, because I think I have a feeling, my simple-minded son, of what is the route cause of this.”

At this Kellin’s face became confused, and Oli looked over to Vic, who mirrored his expression. 

“What are you talking about?” Kellin asked. 

Instead she turned to Oli, a knowing expression on her face. “You’ve been doing the cooking, haven’t you?”

“Er, well, Kellin tried to cook the first week-“

“-but he almost burned our floor down a few too many times for comfort,” Vic supported. 

“So he’s been eating your vegetarian diet?” She pressed.

“Yes…”

At this she turned to her son and said, “I don’t know where I could have gone so wrong to raise such an airhead sometimes…”

“So…I don’t have leukemia?”

“No, you have anemia. You’ve always been anemic. It’s mild, but it’s always been there. That’s why I always made sure we had beef and broccoli and all those higher iron foods around! In fact we discussed it at your last physical!”

“I don’t remember…”

“Of course you don’t! You were too busy texting tall, dark, and tattooed for half the appointment!” she gestured to Oli. “And so when you came out here with Oli, you switched your diet abruptly, your bone marrow couldn’t keep up, and now you’re here in a hospital bed getting an iron infusion, using up my insurance. All because you. Don’t. Pay. Attention!” She gently smacked his thigh for emphasis. “You’ve probably put yourself, not to mention Vic and Oli, through hell because of it,” she huffed. “Now, I’m going to go find your doctor and talk to him and hopefully he’ll have some suggestions on how to proceed. In the meantime, you need to apologize to your best friend and your boyfriend,” she said as she stood, a warning look on her face that Kellin withered under. 

Alleviation poured through Oli as he watched the petite woman leave, and he felt the sudden urge to laugh. 

“Anemic. I’m anemic…” Kellin tested out slowly, as if it were the first time he’d ever even heard the word. 

“You absolute bastard you had us so scared!” Vic laughed through his tears, shoving playfully at Kellin’s leg on the bed. 

“Hey! I’m still sore! And I for the record I had myself scared!”

“Look! You even broke Oli!” He heard Vic’s voice accuse as he covered his face with his hands, slumping down in his chair as tears of relief flowed. 

“It’s alright baby! I’m gonna be ok!” Kellin tried, trying to reach out for his boy friend, letting his fingers run up and down Oli’s colorful arms. 

Looking up and wiping at his tears, Oli choked out with a short laugh, “I’m gonna fookin’ kill ya.”

“Yep you’re done for now man,” Vic chattered. “So done for…”

 

With his iron levels approaching normal and a new diet for him to follow, Kellin was discharged later that evening, Ms. Quinn even stopping by to see their apartment and treat them (including Vic and a later joining Rachel) to a dinner of spaghetti and meat sauce. Oli simply having his without sauce. After berating her son once more for having his head in the clouds, Ms. Quinn bid them farewell. Oli might have suggested a round of Mario Kart now that Rachel was with them, but knew that Vic probably wanted some alone time with his girlfriend, and Kellin was falling asleep on his seat on the couch. 

After their friends retreated to the apartment across the landing, Oli came back to find Kellin dozing in his seat on the couch, hands still holding the glass of chocolate milk Oli had poured for him. Plucking it out of his hands and sticking it in the fridge, he returned to Kellin blinking sleepily up at him. 

“Bed time for my prince I think,” Oli chided, pulling Kellin up and guiding him to their bed. Their bed. It would remain that way. He wasn’t letting Kellin go anywhere. Helping the other boy strip down, he changed his own clothes to his usual sleepwear and turned down the sheets for them. Kellin tugged the hair tie out, and Oli’s heart flip-flipped as the locks tumbled down. He couldn’t help himself as he turned the light off as slid in beside the other boy and ran his hands through the soft tendrils. Kellin tugged him close and Oli buried his nose into his hair, breathing deeply the earthy scent he adored. “I don’t ever want to be without you.”

“I know,” Kellin murmured back, his fingers kneading at Oli’s tense back. “I’m sorry I scared you. You know I’d never leave you if I could prevent it.”

“Which is why you’re going to follow that diet, and we’ll make sure you get plenty of iron. In fact I think we should have Vic teach us how to cook meat proper, because between the two of us, we’re rubbish at it,” the taller boy suggested, feeling the tension in his shoulders dissipate with his boyfriend’s ministrations. 

“That might be a good idea,” Kellin agreed. “We can ask him if he wants to teach us-“ a loud thump, followed by giggling halted their conversation. 

“Was that…?” Oli inquired looking to their bedroom wall. There was another thump, and this time a shout of a different kind, and both boys looked at each other in the dark, trying to stifle their laughing. 

“Hand me my cell please,” Kellin grinned, flopping onto the other boy’s chest as Oli rolled and plucked the phone from the charger. “Oh this is so payback…” he snickered, and Oli couldn’t hold back the laughs anymore. His Kellin would be ok. 

 

“Did you remember the chicken?” Kellin asked as soon as he was in the door with a grocery bag. Vic had indeed agreed to come over and teach them a recipe a week so Oli could slowly learn how to cook meat, and Kellin could learn how to be more useful in the kitchen. As such, Vic had texted Oli a list of foods they would need for their first recipe they were going to make together: Chicken and rice.

“Yes I remembered your poor murdered, innocent birds,” Oli muttered, setting the bag on the kitchen table.

“Hey that murdered bird is keeping me alive, let’s not forget,” sniffed Kellin. 

“And you’re going to learn how to cook that murdered bird in order to keep your muffin alive,” Vic added as he swung in the door with a couple bottles of spices that Oli didn’t keep stocked. “Ok, Kellin, show me how you hold a knife.”

Kellin picked up the knife as if he might stab someone, making Oli laugh. 

“No murdering this evening man. Now turn it around…and take your index finger out of the way. Perfect! You and I are going to cut the onions,” Vic guided, standing next to his best friend and showing him how to cut. Oli watched for a moment, catching a glimpse at the years behind their friendship, as relaxed around each other as they were in their own skin. 

“You can start on the chicken if you want,” Vic offered. “Just take it out of the package and salt and pepper it, and let it marinate in some of the adobo sauce I brought over.”

Pulling out the pack of boneless chicken thighs, Oli felt his lip curl. An innocent bird had been murdered, only to be pulled apart, and vacuum sealed into this container so humans could feast on its flesh. Ew. Cutting open the package he muttered, “Fuck me in the arse…”

“Later baby,” Kellin said without missing a beat. 

Vic threw down his knife. “Nope! Not listening to this!” He threw his hands in the air dramatically walking away.

“We had to listen to you and Rachel all weekend!” Kellin countered.

“And I have to listen to you two all the time!”

“We bought you ear plugs!” Oli replied.

“Well if I forget to wear them and your minx gets loud it’s a little awkward!” Vic flailed.

“Alright, alright! We get it! The walls are thin and if Oli and I make any more sexual innuendoes your balls are going to fall off and run away screaming. We’ll behave,” mollified Kellin once he’d stopped laughing, and went back to chopping his onion. 

Oli almost gagged at the smell of the chicken when he laid it into the frying pan, but he kept reminding himself of how ill Kellin had looked the previous week. Besides, he didn’t need to eat it. Just needed to cook it a couple times a week for his boyfriend. Why couldn’t he just take an iron pill or something though?

“Ok, so see how you can lift it? Then it’s ok to flip it,” Vic instructed, coming up behind him and giving the rice a stir as Kellin added the tomatoes. 

Vic turned out to be far more adept in the kitchen than Oli would have ever thought, adding some seasoning here, tasting there, and creating them a homemade meal that would have made any mother proud. 

“How’d you get so good in the kitchen?” Oli asked, finishing off his bowl of rice and vegetables and giving serious thoughts to seconds.

“His mother is a genius in the kitchen,” Kellin sighed wistfully.

“I learned from my mom,” Vic confirmed. “She makes everything from scratch.”

“She even makes the tortillas from scratch! And every year for Vic’s birthday, since he was always sick, she made the best chicken fajita soup! I mean seriously. It smacked Campbells into an early grave. Not even a fair fight. Can we just hire your mom to cook for us?”

“Yeah ok. You and what money?” Vic snorted. 

Kellin turned his puppy eyes on the heavily tattooed boy. “Baby…”

Oli just smirked and got up to get more.

“Oli is just starting his business. He doesn’t have that kind of money,” Vic countered, expecting Oli to agree with him. But when he didn’t he looked at the other boy as he sat down with more rice. “Do you?”

Trying to keep a straight face, Oli just shrugged and took another bite of rice. “We are doing well.”

“How well?” 

Oli mulled it over, stirring at his rice. “Pop magazine wants us to send some stuff or do an interview because they saw a few musicians and actors wearing our stuff.”

Vic’s jaw unhinged in awe, and Kellin’s eyes widened. “You didn’t tell me that!”

“They just called this morning. But that also means I’ll have some extra work in November.”

“Damn I should have brought some tequila!” Vic grinned. “Congrats man! I am so excited for you guys! You should hire Kellin when he graduates to do the business stuff.”

Kellin immediately nixed it though. “I love Oli, but I don’t need everyone saying I got the job because I’m sleeping with the boss.”

“I don’t know…I feel like that could be an advantage,” Vic chuckled. “Automatic raises, preferred office space…”

“I don’t think Oli would want to see me 24/7 either,” defended Kellin.

Once again, Oli just shrugged. He really wouldn’t mind it. Having Kellin around all the time was a balm to his anxiety. 

“The vegan chicken nugget pronounces you wrong again,” Vic grinned. 

“I like having you around all the time,” Oli confessed softly, and watched Kellin’s cheeks dust pink. 

“I’ll start the dishes, and then I can crush you both in Mario Kart,” Vic announced, standing and taking his bowl to the sink.

Oli could feel Kellin’s eyes on him the rest of the evening, watching his movements, following him as he showered and got ready for bed after Vic went home. Usually it was a clear signal that Kellin was in the mood to fool around in bed, but this was just a bit beyond that. When he emerged from the bathroom freshly showered an just in his boxers, Kellin looked just about ready to jump his bones, and it lit the desire in Oli as well. 

“Hey baby,” Kellin purred. “Can we try something different tonight?”

Oli tilted his head. He should have seen this coming. He knew Kellin had been wanting it for at least a month, but he had been reluctant to switch things around when he had just gotten used to one thing. “You want to be on top?” he asked unsurely. 

“Don’t worry baby. I’ll make sure it’s the best thing you’ve ever felt,” his boyfriend assured, something feverish and wanting in those pools of blue, fingers playing with the edge of Oli’s boxers in a teasing manner. Those fingers made his anxiety melt away. Kellin loved him, and he trusted the boy. 

“Alright,” he whispered his assent. 

Barely containing his enthusiasm in an effort to not spook his lover, Kellin was upon him, hands once again everywhere at once, talented tongue sparing with Oli’s. The taller boy was nearly swept off his feet as Kellin drew him down onto the bed, one hand teasing one of Oli’s nipples and earning him a soft sound of pleasure. Kellin’s tongue was on his throat and already Oli was a panting mess as the shorter boy leaned him against the pillows and dimmed the lights. 

Kellin easily divested of his own sleeping gear, and Oli kick his own off, hands gently tugging at the other boy’s midnight locks as the flat of a warm palm ran down Oli’s ribs, leaving a tingling sensation in its wake. Kellin’s tongue followed, mapping along the scars and ink, healing each slash, each wound, each painful memory until all Oli could feel was the love of his touch, leaving him whole and human. 

“Ok Oli, I’m going to go slow, and you let me know if it’s too much at any time,” Kellin instructed, his voice rough with pleasure and sending earthquakes up Oli’s spine. Tenderly positioning Oli’s long legs he checked, “This comfortable? You’re so tall…”

“S’fine,” Oli panted impatiently. He really needed Kellin to start touching him, as it was driving him mad, but he wasn’t sure how to communicate that short of begging. 

Thankfully Kellin seemed to get the hint though, as he captured Oli’s lips in his own again to distract him as he inserted a finger, letting Oli adjust and wiggle his hips before inserting a second. Panting and sweating with need, he did his best to adjust to the invasion, wondering vaguely how Kellin did this so easily every time. After stretching him as slowly as possible, Kellin was ready and shifted Oli’s thighs just a bit higher. 

It burned. A keening sound escaped his throat as Kellin entered, and a few tears escaped. 

“Don’t hold your breath, baby. Breathe. You’re just…really tight,” grunted Kellin. Doing as he was told, Oli found he couldn’t take deep breaths, but panted until the burning died out, and instead he filled with Kellin’s heat. Sensing his readiness, Kellin’s hips slowly pulled out before coming back, finding a rhythm and driving Oli mad. A slight tilt of his hips and shock flew through Oli. Seeing stars he gasped, sure he might black out for a second, back arching up off the bed momentarily. But Kellin was relentless and hit that same spot again and again, causing Oli to bite at his pillow to keep from screaming, his fingers digging into Kellin’s scalp, not that the latter seemed to mind. 

With that sensation rocking his system, it wasn’t long until Oli couldn’t help but release, Kellin following barely a second after with a breathless call of Oli’s name. Never had he felt anything like that in his life. Kellin collapsed atop him, their hearts hammering at one another. Oli let his fingers trail down Kellin’s smooth back as the boy wiggled out of Oli with a soft grunt, still catching his breath. Oli was sorry for the loss.

Marveling at Kellin’s proportional body as he leaned back, the shorter boy gave him a soft smile, eyes glinting with ardor from the streetlights outside. Tenderly rubbing the inside of Oli’s thigh he murmured, “I’m going to go get a cloth to clean you up.”

Oli watched the gorgeous body go, missing the warmth but too sore to do anything about it until Kellin returned, warm, damp cloth in hand. Still shaking a little from the exertion, Kellin cleaned the mess they had created with affection, making Oli’s heart flutter again. Moving his hips, Oli winced and Kellin looked up sharply, “Did I hurt you? I knew I should have stretched you more-“

“Kells, love, it’s alright. I’m just a bit sore,” Oli reassured, drawing Kellin down once he’d finished. Gently, as if he were moving a small child, Kellin rearranged them under the covers.

“Just making sure. You weren’t scared were you? It was good? You were so quiet it’s hard to tell…”

“Anyone would be quiet compared to you,” Oli chuckled, burying his head into Kellin’s neck and planting a couple soft kisses along the exposed collarbone. “I didn’t know it could be this good though, or I might have tried it sooner,” he added in a softer tone. He could feel Kellin’s smile as the other boy buried his face in his hair, pulling Oli just a bit closer. 

“Knew you’d love it. You just needed someone to do it right for you.”

“Not someone. Just you.”

 

Kellin could tell Oli was still a bit sore that Monday when he requested that Kellin pick him up after class to drive home. 

“I don’t mind walking Tuesday and Thursday, but if you’re driving by the studio anyway, it’s getting cold out and you don’t want me to freeze I assume.”

“How could you freeze? You have half my hoodies!” Kellin teased but kissed Oli on the cheek goodbye. 

“Oi, I’ve kept it down to two! Besides you need to wear them once in awhile so they keep your smell,” he flirted back. “Just text me when you get there and I’ll come down!” He called as Kellin walked out the door. 

It seemed that the week after midterms professors had gone easy, seeing their students walk around like zombies, but as they were nearing finals, Kellin noticed the rhetoric building back up. Doodling in his notebook during Marketing, he pondered what to get Oli for his birthday toward the end of the month. Despite sharing interests in books and music, Kellin didn’t want to just get him anything. Anybody could get Oliver things. He wanted something to remind his boyfriend how grateful he was for Oli being born. 

“Why not make him dinner?” Vic suggested as they sat together in Calc, trying to work on the problem set before them. 

“I can’t cook. I mean, you saw that on Friday,” Kellin sighed.

“I could teach you how to make at least one dish. And then on his birthday you can cook your way to his vegetarian heart. What does he like?”

“Everything, except meat. My mom made him shepherd’s pie last year and Victorian sponge cake. He really liked that. But he loves curry and adventurous stuff too.”

“Hmmm…we’ll just have to think about-hey how did that X move?” Vic glared at the paper as Kellin wrote, so he went back and showed Vic. 

Drop Dead’s headquarters was located in an old corner warehouse that was big enough to hold all the equipment, as well as a couple offices. Oli’s was the second office, and just like his place at home, everything was organized and labeled, dark furniture punched with bright color once in awhile, laid out in an ergonomic fashion that suited him. Both matt’s whom Kellin had already met waved as he came in. Vegan came down and greeted him. “Coming to convince the boss to let us go?” 

“I can’t make any promises,” Kellin grinned, tucking his hair back. It was sometimes a weird juxtaposition to think that his boyfriend had employees. “It’s sometimes an effort to get him to bed, which considering who his boyfriend is should tell you how hard it is to get him to stop working.”

“Ah nuts. Tell him if he gets any more orders till Christmas, Mat and I want a raise,” he winked. 

Approaching the office, Kellin saw through the open door a feminine figure leaning over the desk. Her perfectly proportioned body leaned, work skort just a bit too short, long legs showing off a few tattoos. 

“Do you want this swatch or this one for the pattern?” she asked, holding each one up to her shoulders. 

Oli’s hazel eyes watched with interest, his head tilting as he considered. “Let’s go with this for the tongue,” he answered, pointing to her right. 

“You always choose the perfect one. Now that you’ve picked I can totally see it.” Kellin could hear the smile in her voice, saw Oli reciprocate it, and felt a bundle of green snakes writhe in his stomach. He cleared his throat. 

Peaking around her, Oli’s eyes lit up as he saw Kellin and he stood, graceful limbs pushing him up. “Hey love. I don’t think you’ve met Hannah. She was just showing me some colors we need to choose for a hoodie I’m designing. Hannah this is Kellin, my boyfriend.”

As she turned Kellin took her in. She was definitely pretty, her hair the same color as Kellin’s though a bit longer. Her blouse was low cut, and Kellin had no doubts that in being bent over the desk, Oli had easily seen her breasts. She gave a soft smile like one might a relative they didn’t want to associate much with, and Kellin nodded his chin to her, afraid that if he opened his mouth, fire would come out. Instead he directed his attention to Oli. “Can I see the design?”

“Well it’s not-“ Hannah began.

“Sure! Come here, and I’ll show you,” the taller boy grinned, and Kellin could feel the passion for his craft leaking from his pores. Trying to keep the smirk off his face, Kellin leaned over as Oli adjusted his design board, and Kellin looked at all the shirts and clothing. Oli had occasionally brought some home for him try and use, especially if they hadn’t come out perfectly in the machines, but the ones on his board were amazing. Cute designs paired with bleak and angry words found Kellin grinning as he looked them over. “Damn baby, I want some of these!”

“I’ll get you a list and you can mark the ones you want and I’ll bring them home,” Oli chucked and then tugged his hoodie on. “Hannah, I can trust you to lock up?”

“Of course. You can trust me with anything,” she said brightly, causing Kellin to almost gag as he followed his boyfriend out the door.

Seemingly oblivious, Oli strummed an air guitar in the side-seat of Kellin’s car as he drove them back, his favorite Pantera cd in.. Did he really not know Hannah was hitting on him? He knew when Kellin flirted with him…

“So, Hannah seems nice…” he led as they walked up the two flights of stairs. 

“Oh yeah she’s brilliant! Really helpful! She really helps keep things organized for me and makes sure we get orders out on time. In fact, I should thank you. It was your idea to get me an assistant,” Oli praised effortlessly, unlocking their door and letting Kellin in first. 

What was he supposed to say to that? Your secretary looked at me weird so now you can’t have her? Thus Kellin stayed quiet. Maybe it was a fluke. Maybe she wasn’t like that all the time. 

By the week of Oli’s birthday however, Kellin was very convinced that there was no coincidence, and Hannah was actively trying to steal his boyfriend. Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays he picked Oli up, and on each occasion he encountered the minx, leaning over his boyfriends desk, flirting as she sidled up to him, staring at him as if he were some sort of God, always complementing him. She had even taken to finding out what tea Oli liked and bringing him some in the afternoons. It made Kellin want to vomit. 

The worst part was that Oli didn’t seem to notice, or at least was willfully avoiding it, and it annoyed Kellin to no end. How could he not see this? And when he did try to mention that she seemed a bit too friendly, Oli became somewhat defensive, explaining how hard she worked, and that he hated the rigidity of office buildings and as long as his employees had clothes on and they wouldn’t get caught in the machines, he was fine with them wearing whatever they liked.

That Wednesday was the straw that broke the camel’s back. He had been feeling achy and his head had been stuffy since Monday, so he stopped by the hospital. After a quick iron test, he was told that in all likelihood, it really was a cold this time, probably picked up from when he was in the hospital last. Great. 

Kellin arrived at the appointed time at the work studio, both Vegan and Matt waving to him as usual. They bantered as he walked in, distracting him until he reached Oli’s office and found her looking over his shoulder at something he was laying out, face close enough to his that she could have easily kissed his cheek. Rage sweltered through Kellin’s veins. It was so hard to keep his silver tongue reined in. “I’ll see you outside when you’re done,” he ground out, leaving a bewildered Oli behind.

Stamping out into the cold air as it caught at his scratchy throat, Kellin noticed the snowflakes starting to fall. Autumn was dwindling down an winter was coming. The chill did nothing to cool his temper, however. Oli came out shortly after, his breaths puffing to visibility. “What’s wrong love?”

“Nothing,” Kellin muttered, getting in the car. Those hazel eyes were on him the whole time, trying to read him through the heavy silence as he drove and just as he parked, Oli sighed.

“Alright, it’s not nothing is it though? What has you so mad?”

Kellin said nothing though, not particularly wanting to have that conversation in a parking lot. Oli didn’t let it go however, following him into the building. “Was it something at school? Did you get a bad midterm back?” Silence. “Did you argue with Vic?” More silence, followed by Kellin opening their door. “Is it…Did I do something?”

Finally Kellin rounded on him, “No! You did absolutely nothing because you’re so oblivious to her!”

Oli jerked his head back and frowned. “Her? Are you bringing up Hannah again?” he questioned in an exasperated tone. “We’ve been through this Kellin…”

Kellin was having none of that though. “She was so close she could have kissed you! She could have sucked on your ear for fucks sake! She was all over you! Has BEEN all over you! And you just let her!”

“Well shit Kellin what do you want me to do? Shove her away!? Live my life in a bubble!? Tell her that she can’t be within five feet of me because my boyfriend is jealous!? It was your fucking idea in the first place!” Oli spat back, equally incensed. 

“I’m not fucking jealous!” Kellin roared. “I just can’t stand seeing some chick throw herself at you while you let her do whatever she wants! It’s like you don’t even care!”

“There isn’t even anything to fucking care about!!” Oli shouted back, throwing up his arms. There was a faint clinking noise, but Kellin was too in the moment to bother. 

“Me! You should care about me! And…and you don’t.” Feeling his throat tighten as his voice cracked, and his eyes become moist and hot, Kellin looked away. 

“Do you even think before you let shit come out of your mouth? I’m going to go for a walk, and you can think about what exactly you just said, and think about how much I do for you and how many times I’ve saved your ass,” Oli growled. 

“That’s not the point…” Kellin whined thickly.

“Yeah Kellin. It really is.” And with that, Oli slipped out the door, slamming it behind. 

Feeling his knees wobble, Kellin knelt down, burying his face in his hands and letting the burning tears fall. How could Oli not see what that girl wanted from him? What she was very prepared to take from Kellin? What if he didn’t care because he liked her more now? After all, what had Kellin done for Oli lately besides cause him headaches with his messes, break their dishware, never clean the shower, and not even help cook? Oli was right: he supported both of them financially, and Kellin was nothing more than a freeloader. Hannah was useful. Oli said it all the time. She was pretty, complimentary, and could give him kids once day. What could Kellin offer other than problems? He had certainly screwed up enough times. Oli had even said himself that girls weren’t so bad, and that he was attracted to them.

Feeling horrendously sorry for himself he looked up and saw the glint of something silver on the ground. Rising on shaking legs, Kellin shuffled over to see a familiar bracelet, the thin leather of the strap frayed and worn thin from use. On the metal plate was a little black heart, the flip side his personal message to his boyfriend. That hill in Scotland seemed so long ago. 

Carrying the piece as if it were a fragile bird, Kellin flopped onto the bed and began to cry again in earnest. Their relationship was falling apart, and Kellin didn’t know how to fix it. 

 

Oli let the cold wash over him as he walked back out into the cold dusk. The snow had stopped, but the air was bitter as he made his way around the block. How could Kellin accuse him of such things? Hadn’t he jumped onto a moving boat for him? Fought the sex trade for him? Brought him to England? Made love with him and only him? Oli was doing everything he could for Kellin, and it felt as though all it earned him was a slap in the face. 

Circling the block twice, Oli re-entered their building, having come up with a few words to make Kellin find reason.

“You going to fight with him some more?” a voice asked as he came up the stairwell. Vic must have heard their fight. 

Though embarrassed, maybe Oli could use Vic’s opinion. He had known Kellin longest. “He thinks my secretary is trying to shag me.”

“Is she?” Vic asked, raising an eyebrow and peeling the orange he was holding. 

“No…I don’t think so. She’s just friendly is all. And helpful. Besides, Kellin should know that he’s the only one for me. That is when he’s not being jealous of everyone who steps within two feet of me.”

Vic nodded, quietly thoughtful. “How close does she get to you? Close enough to kiss you?”

At this Oli blushed, which gave the other boy his answer. 

“Imagine Kellin working with a guy who was all over him like that. How would you feel if Kellin refused to do anything about it?”

Like shit. Like Kellin didn’t care. Oli sighed, defeated. “I suppose I should go tell him I’ll talk to Hannah.”

“I’m sure he’d like that. Also, if you guys are going to fight again, send me a text so I can go study at the library or something,” Vic smirked and smacked Oli’s shoulder. “Now go make up with your muffin.”

When Oli re-entered the apartment he had expected Kellin to be right where he left him, but instead it was quiet and dark. Had Kellin left? No, his backpack was still there. The living room was empty, but as he walked up their tiny hall, he heard a sound that made his heart break. The sniffling and quiet sobs of his boyfriend, and it was coming from their bedroom. Peaking his head in, he saw the dark-haired boy curled up, facing away from him, shoulders shaking as he cried. In that moment Oli felt like scum. He had made Kellin upset with his self-deprecating tendencies from time to time, but this…this was the first time he had made Kellin cry with his words. He needed to fix this. But how?

Retreating to the kitchen, Oli pulled stuff for their dinner out, opting to make one of Kellin’s favorite: macaroni and cheese. In fact, it was one of the few dinners they could always agree on. Kellin had come to love the way Oli made it too, with a few different cheeses, and all from scratch. It took longer, however, and by the time he had finished, when Oli went to check on Kellin, the other boy was fast asleep, all cried out, and his nose a bit pink from the cold that was threatening. It was as he went to turn off the lamp that he saw what Kellin was holding: his bracelet the other boy had gotten him in Scotland. It had been fraying for some time, but must have come off in the fight. 

Gently extricating it from Kellin’s hands, he made a note to repair it the next day when he was at the studio. No wonder Kellin had been so upset. Tucking the other boy in to make sure he didn’t get cold during the night, Oli retreated to his mac and cheese, pouring some into a thermos for Kellin for lunch, while storing the rest in the fridge, having no appetite himself. Especially not with seeing Kellin’s tear streaked face because of him. 

 

Unable to sleep well on the couch, Oli was up early the next morning, setting all Kellin needed for the day, including some cough drops and tissues, and heading out early to walk to work. Even though he had been thinking all night, he still let the thoughts run round on how exactly he was going to broach the topic with Hannah. He preferred to have a friendship with the people he hired, not come down on them like a boss. But if that’s what he had to do in order to appease Kellin, he would. Especially if there was any truth to Kellin’s words. 

The little office was quiet and dark, so Oli turned on some music from his computer, and set to work organizing some of the new shipping packages. Even with four people there was so much to be done before Dec. 16th, when the final large shipment for the season would go out. Plus he had to get back to that magazine…

“Morning!” Vegan called. “You’re here early. Usually I have the machines to myself for a little while.” Tall, blond, with wide, kind blue eyes, Oli liked Vegan. He worked hard, and was a good teammate for Mat, as he kept the other on track, but was never bossy. Oli could trust him to be honest. 

“I didn’t sleep much last night,” Oli admitted, coming out and leaning against one of the pressers. “Vegan, would you mind if I asked you something? And I’d like you to be as honest as possible with me. I need you to be objective.”

Immediately Vegan looked unsure. “Sure, go ahead…”

“Do you think Hannah is inappropriate with me? Just be honest. Anything you say will be kept in confidence. I just need someone else’s view,” Oli reassured as the uncomfortable look Vegan gave him. 

Playing with the hem of his shirt, the taller boy considered. “Um, yeah. I guess. She’s always in your space, and really flirty with you. Like she really wants you to notice her. But you never do? You’re not really phased by it, like you’re not inappropriate back,” replied Vegan. “Does that answer…?”

“Yeah. Thanks Vegan. That’s exactly what I needed to know. I’ll let you work then. I appreciate it,” Oli said thoughtfully, but then turned back. “Vegan?”

“Yeah?”

“If you or Mat ever see anything inappropriate, no matter who it is, please bring it to my attention. I’m not perfect, and I trust you two to catch anything I miss.”  
Vegan just gave him a soft smile and nodded. “Sure Oli.”

He returned to his office. Part of him felt dirty for letting her do whatever, but she hadn’t been threatening at any point. He just felt awful that she had been so overt, and Kellin had suffered because of his inability to see it. Digging out the bracelet, he set about repairing the strap with some heavier leather they had. 

He was nearly done when Hannah arrived, her usual short dress. “Guess who has a new thigh tattoo! Want to see?” she grinned at him, but he could not return it.

“Why are you doing this?” He asked in a low voice, frowning as he stood, bracelet in hand and came to the front of his desk, leaning against it as his fingers played with the piece of jewelry. 

“Doing what? Getting a tattoo?” She asked unsurely, her green eyes trying to read his mood. 

“Flirting with me. You know I have Kellin,” he frowned. 

“I…I know. I just think, you know, that you need at least someone in your life who will remind you how amazing of a person you are. I just don’t think he probably does it enough…”

Sickness jolted through Oli’s system. Kellin had been right. “Amazing? Hannah, you don’t even know me that way…”

This seemed to be the wrong thing to say though as frustrated tears gathered in her eyes. “I work with you all day! Of course I know you! You’re an amazing guy, who has the coolest tattoos, founded one of the fastest growing clothing lines, and you’re really cute to boot! And I’m so useful in helping you achieve your dreams!”

“What do you know of my dreams?” Oli scoffed.

“The clothing line! It will be so big-“

“I don’t care about that! I love what I do Hannah, but it is not my whole life! You what my biggest dream is?” he looked up fiercely at her.

“Ummm…”

“It’s to one day be off all my anti-depressants and anti-anxieties, and to have a final session with my therapist, and go home to Kellin and know that he doesn’t need to remind me to take my meds twice a day, that he can make plans to do things without worrying that I’ll have a depressive episode, that he doesn’t need to worry about me being left alone for long periods of time, or about someone making a stupid drug reference. I want to be able to go into a crowded room without freaking out. I want to be able to sit through a thunderstorm without having a panic attack. I want to be the man that Kellin deserves instead of the train wreck I usually am.” Seeing Hannah’s stunned face, he couldn’t help but continue. He needed her to know how wrong she was. “My tattoos aren’t just because I like them. They’re to hide all the damage that’s been done to me.”

“But…but…” she stammered, trying to wrap her head around everything. 

Unbuttoning his sleeves, he rolled them up to expose the many scars of his wrists as he clasped the bracelet back on. “He’s the only one who has ever loved me through everything Hannah. He loves me despite the way I am. He loves me, even when I can’t love myself. And no one will ever compare. Period.”

Her lower lip trembled. “I just…I just wanted to be with you and be useful…I really liked you…”

“No, Hannah, you liked the idea of me. Of us. But you don’t know me.” An awkward silence descended as she sniffled and wiped at her eyes. He knew what needed to be done though. “I’ll be happy to write you a reference. You’re a hard worker, but I think it’s time you go somewhere else,” he added with finality. 

Unable to speak she just nodded. 

“Take whatever time you need to clean out your space.”

 

“Dude if you cough one more time I’m spraying you with Lysol,” Vic warned as he drove them home after civics. 

“Sorry. Stupid cold,” Kellin groaned, his voice like gravel. He just wanted to go home and curl up under a mound of blankets and eat some of his mom’s turkey noodle soup. 

“So, did you guys make up?” Vic asked as casually as he could.

“I take it you heard us last night?”

“I think half of Ann Arbor heard you two,” Vic chuckled. 

“Ugh. Sort of? Not formally. I cried and fell asleep, but Oli made me my favorite for lunch so…I think he was trying to apologize. He was gone before I left this morning.”

“Well I’m sure you two will kiss and make up when he gets back,” Vic reassured with a knowing grin. Head stuffed with cotton, Kellin was too tired to deal with whatever it was that he knew. 

Once back in the apartment, Kellin dragged himself to the study to distract himself with finishing his econ paper while waiting for Oli to come home. Several hours later he woke up to a hand in his hair, and realize that he had fallen asleep at his desk. It was now dark out and the streetlights had flickered on, shining through their study windows. 

“Hey love, you feeling alright?” Oli asked gently, hazel eyes boring into his own. 

“My iron levels are fine. Doctor yesterday said it really is just a cold this time.”

Oli breathed a sigh for relief and then tugged at Kellin’s hands, “Why don’t we get you comfy and I’ll make you some soup for your throat?”

The shorter boy allowed himself to be coaxed up, his head pounding. Part of him wanted to be petulant and pull away until Oli apologized properly, but he was just too tired for that. Oli laid out clothes for him as Kellin showered briefly, the warm steam helping his head and throat. 

Blue eyes widened when he shuffled to the kitchen on aching joints. On the kitchen table was a vase of white gladiolas, just like the kind Oli had once made a crown of for him in Scotland. His boyfriend’s back was to him, stirring the saucepan of chicken noodle soup on the stove for him, plaid shirtsleeves rolled up to expose his wrists, upon which the bracelet was repaired and wrapped. Kellin could feel a small smile forming on his lips. 

“Here you are love,” Oli said, pouring the soup into a bowl and setting it down at the table, and then taking a seat beside him. Before Kellin could even ask, Oli blurted, “I fired her today.”

Alarm flew Kellin’s body as he set the spoon he had been lifting down into the liquid again. “You what?”

“You were right. She was flirting with me. And I talked to her about it, and decided it would be best if she worked somewhere else,” Oli said simply, picking at the lint on his jeans. “And I’m sorry if I made you think that you weren’t the most important thing in my life. Because you really are.” 

Kellin stared at him a moment, trying to process what he was saying. “I’m sorry I yelled at you too…” he said slowly, until realization dawned on him. “Don’t you have some deadlines though? Couldn’t you make her stay two more weeks to get everything done?”

Oli shook his head. “It’s not worth it. Once I realized that you were right, I didn’t want me anywhere near her. I don’t think I could have stomached the two weeks,” he admitted. 

To say he was thrilled was an understatement. Kellin was tickled to tips of his toes to say the least. “If I didn’t have this shitty cold I would kiss you,” he beamed, reaching out and fingering the white flowers gently. “You’re so wet.”

“Very much so. And only with you,” Oli agreed, giving Kellin a besotted look. 

 

“No, I’m sick and Oli has to get those orders out by the day of my last final, speaking of which, is another reason we can’t make it,” Kellin explained into the phone. His throat was feeling better, but the cold had now settled in his chest, leaving him sounding like he was forever running and trying to catch his breath. “Really mom, we’ll be home next year, but I think we’re just going to use those days to recuperate.” A beat. “Yes, Oli is taking good care of me. Don’t worry mom. Yes we’ll be home for the holidays then. Yep Yep. Love you too. Bye.”

“Your mom take it alright?” Vic asked as he slid the chopping board over to Kellin with huge portabella mushrooms on it. 

“About as good as I thought she would. She understands though. I just want to be able to focus on finals and let Oli finish the stuff he needs to. His workload has doubled with Hannah being gone.” Kellin washed his hands before turning over fungi. At least with his nose plugged he couldn’t smell it all that well.

“Why doesn’t he just hire another secretary?” 

Kellin sighed. “Because now he’s paranoid of them. He doesn’t want me to feel uncomfortable again.”

“Maybe he needs to hire more people to put out the clothes then, or differentiate his tasks? I mean that’s one of the first things you and I learned in our business classes.”

“Yeah. I think he needs a personal assistant, but then, he can be really stubborn sometimes.”

“Hm, who do I know that’s like that…?”

“Shut up,” Kellin rolled his eyes, but the remark lost its effectiveness when his voice cracked, leaving Vic laughing as he got the rolls ready. 

“So where is your vegan chicken nugget anyway? Isn’t he supposed to be home by now?”

“He’s been working late every day now,” frowned Kellin. “It’s almost 8 though so he should be home soon.”

“Good. I’m starving. Don’t forget to check the sweet potato fries!” 

Kellin quickly looked, but they didn’t look brown. Were they supposed to turn brown? Half an hour later, with rescued fries, thanks to Vic, and portabella mushroom ‘burgers’ ready to eat, Oli finally returned. It had been freezing rain outside, and his jacket was soaked. There was a bit of a slump in his shoulders too, as if he had been carrying an anvil everywhere all day. Despite the exhaustion that seemed to drip from him, he grinned as he saw Kellin sitting at the edge of the table with a tiny store bought white cake, little candles poking out of it in the shape of a 1 and 9. 

“I would sing Happy Birthday to you, but my cold forbids me. But Vic helped me make dinner for you to surprise you!”

“You waited all this time for me to eat? You didn’t have to…”

“Oh we went through a bag of chips and salsa while we were waiting for you,” Vic informed. “Now blow your candles out so we can eat!”

“You guys really didn’t have to do anything,” Oli muttered, but still seemed to enjoy extinguishing the flames.

“Well I tried to make a cake but…yeah,” Kellin shrugged, as if it was written in blood that his cooking would always be that of failed attempts and half-burnt meals. “So Vic got you one at the store on his way home.”

“This looks amazing,” Oli uttered, collapsing into a kitchen chair. He was right as well, as the joint effort of the best friends seemed to have paid off, though Oli thought it was strange that Kellin insisted on dipping his fries in honey. 

With much blushing and stammering about how he didn’t need anything, Vic got him a gift card to a running store so they could start running together again. Kellin got him a new poster for their study. It was a retro print of a travel agency advertising for Dune, one of Oli’s favorite books. “You two didn’t need to do that. I don’t usually celebrate my birthday. The food was really already more than enough.”

“Dude get used to it. If you make these statements every time you have a birthday, we’re just going to get you more and more stuff,” teased Vic. 

Oli opened his mouth to retaliate, but a yawn came out instead. 

“I guess that’s no to Jenga?” Kellin chuckled.

“I have to finish the shipping updates for tomorrow anyway,” Oli said, standing and gathering the plates. 

“Put those down. It’s you’re birthday. We will do the dishes,” Kellin commanded, snatching the plates away.

Later, as he watched Oli hunch over his laptop in bed, Kellin couldn’t help but worry a bit. Sure Hannah had been awful to him, but she really had helped Oli and made his business flow. Now Oli had to do it all by himself, and Kellin felt a responsible for his fatigue. It wasn’t as if Hannah had done anything to assault Oli, and Oli would certainly never do anything to her. 

Drying his hair with a towel just a bit more, he padded out to the bed. Oli already had their nightstand set up with tissues, juice, Nyquil and some decongestants. “Finished soon?” he asked, feeling run down just looking at the other boy. 

Glancing at him from where he was curled up with Kellin’s black hoodie on, Oli assented. “Just a tad more. You can sleep if you want. Don’t forget to take the Nyquil.”

Not wanting to crowd him too much with a cold, Kellin simply lay on his side, watching Oli work until the drugs kicked in, his eyes slipped closed and he feel asleep. 

 

Much was the pattern of the next weeks and finals. Oli would get up early, make sure Kellin’s things were out, brew them each some tea, set out Kellin’s lunch and then head to the studio before it was even light out. Kellin would attend classes all day, and spend his spare time studying, or avoiding studying, and would come home to a quiet apartment. With his cold he usually took a nap before getting up and studying or writing his papers for the evening. Oli would come home after it had gotten dark out and make them dinner, usually something soothing for Kellin’s throat and cough, and then work with him in the study until Kellin went to bed. Sometimes Kellin fell asleep on his notes, but next morning would wake up in bed with no idea as to how he got there, other than Oli must have put him to bed. The taller boy seemed to be working at all hours, and Kellin wasn’t even sure if he slept some nights. It was all Kellin could do with his horrendous cold to try and focus on studying, let alone worry if Oli was remembering to feed himself.

By the time the last week of finals arrived Kellin’s cold was basically defeated, but within the grip of several papers due, he still needed to spend all his spare time with countless power points and textbooks. Oli even took to packing him a snack of fruit of some nuts to have when he was review his work in the evenings before Oli came home. 

And it was nerve-wracking. Never in high school had he ever studied like this. He’d had decent grades, but he never needed to study much. But with a less structured environment, and more chance of failure when the only thing that comprised one’s grade being the midterm and final, Kellin nearly cried a few times as he tried to cram every little detail into his skull. It was during one of these that Oli walked in and found him face down in his textbook.

Setting a cup of tea with some crackers on the tiny bit of real estate left on Kellin’s desk, Oli rubbed soothingly at his shoulders. “Econ, love?”

Kellin groaned and let Oli’s fingers work their magic on his stressed tendons. “If I write one more thing about reading these charts I’m going to stab my eyes out with toothpicks.”

“That’s not very effective. How is your throat and cough?”

“Better,” Kellin sighed, sitting up and leaning his head back to see Oli looking down affectionately at him. He barely had the energy to study and take care of himself. He didn’t know how Oli was handling caring for Kellin’s cold as well as the meals and all the work he had. “Thanks to you and your magical herbal tea. I actually slept all last night without waking up. And I walked all the way to class today without coughing.” 

“Aces then-“ Oli suddenly turned away and began to cough into the crook of his elbow. 

Kellin watched him, suddenly at attention. “You’re not getting my cold are you?” he asked when Oli finally finished.

“I’ve been battling off this cough for the past week. Quite annoying really, but it’s fine.” Kellin scrutinized him. He looked so tired, and did his face seem a bit thinner…? “Really, love. I’ve been drinking the tea and taking the Nyquil at night.”

Kellin frowned up at him, but let it go. If they could just hold on a few more days, All of Oli’s large orders would be out, and Kellin would be finished with finals. They could make it a few more days.

 

And make it they did. Or at least Kellin did. 

Hurrying out of his last exam, Kellin finally felt free. He didn’t even care how well he did. Vic had finished before him, but Kellin tended to take his time on exams. Most of the campus was deserted, most people heading home in order to beat the huge amount of snow that was forecasted to arrive that evening. The snow was fine as far as he was concerned- after seeing so little of Oli between finals and the taller boy’s business, Kellin desperately looked forward to getting reacquainted with him. Specifically in the bedroom, now that he was feeling better. 

With thoughts of spending the snowy weather wrapped around his boyfriend, he almost ran into Vic as he headed out with his duffle bag. 

“Woah, sorry Kells! Hey what did you think? Pretty easy, right?”

Kellin shrugged, always apprehensive until he knew his grade. He didn’t want to jinx it. “It wasn’t bad. You going to go pick up Rachel?”

Vic bounced up on the balls of his feet like an excited puppy. “Yes! She had her last exam yesterday, and just had to hand in a paper today. I’m gonna pick her up and we’re going home. When are you and Oli coming home?”

“In a couple days when Oli wraps up for Christmas. His big orders will be done today though. Then he just needs to close accounts and we’ll be free. Think of something we all want to do while we’re off yeah?”

“Sure I’ll ask Rachel if she wants to do something. See you at home!” Vic waved, getting in the beat up little car and zipping out of the lot with gusto. The rest of the lot was empty, except for Kellin’s car. 

Once inside, Kellin threw his backpack into the study, not even wanting to think about spending any time in there for a good while. Grabbing some snacks from the kitchen he hunkered down in the living room to play on his xbox. It felt as though he were forgetting to do something as he sat and played for awhile, the constant need to study slow to leave him. 

Darkness descended on the apartment, and Kellin flicked some lights on. As he peered out the window he saw nothing but white. Would Oli be ok walking home in this?

QUINNTESCENTIAL: Hey it’s really picking up. Do you want me to come get you in the car?

Kellin waited patiently, and soon his phone dinged. 

SYKED: No, there’s reports of people already getting stuck. It will be better to walk. It’s just a few blocks. I’ve already sent Vegan and Mat home. Won’t be long. 

Pausing his game Kellin returned to the kitchen. If Oli said he wasn’t going to be long, the least he could do was make them dinner. And by make he meant heat up the dinner Oli had made last night and pout them each something to drink. Kellin had woken up a couple times the past few nights to hear Oli coughing sometimes, and with that in mind, he poured the boy juice, while he poured milk for himself. Pulling out the container of fried rice, Kellin frowned at it. Hadn’t Oli at least eaten some of this last night? Or taken some for lunch? 

Dishing some out onto each plate, the lights flickered briefly, but remained on. Thank goodness Oli had bought a couple candles and some matched the last time they’d gone grocery shopping. They might need them that evening. He heard the door to the stairwell open and shut, so he grabbed their drinks. 

The door admitted a very snowy Oli, his face nearly as white as the precipitation falling outside. “I figured you wanted juice…Oli?” Kellin had begun to say and then realized that there was something off in the taller boy. His eyes didn’t look right. 

Confused hazel eyes flicked to his and he wavered on the spot. “Kellin…” he breathed, before folding like a cheap chair at a child’s birthday party, legs giving out from underneath. 

“OLI!” Kellin screeched, dropping both glasses, allowing them to shatter to the floor as he leapt to catch the tattooed boy. He managed to catch his shoulders in time to prevent his head from hitting the floor, but the rest of him remained limp and sprawled in their kitchen doorway. “Oli! Oli wake up!” Kellin commanded frantically, shaking him as rough as he dared. 

Long eyelashes fluttered and eyes opened to slits with a groan. “Kells-“ Coughs erupted from him, and Kellin sat him up as best he could to help him ride it out. Oli leaned heavily against him as the dark haired boy rubbed his back. Minutes seemed to tick by until the coughing dissolved into rough wheezes. 

“That’s it baby, just breathe. Think you can stand?” Kellin soothed, trying to keep the panic out of his voice.

Oli shook his head slightly, his body shaking in the damp jacket and jeans.

“I’m going to lift you then, ok? You should be in bed,” he explained. Oli did not acknowledge him.

Wrapping an arm under Oli’s shoulder, Kellin pressed upward to lift him until they were partly standing and then picked up his knees as well. Déjà vu struck him, though when Oli had strep he had at least made an effort to not completely be a sack of potatoes. This time Oli was a limp noodle, too spent to do much more than let his head loll onto Kellin’s shoulder. 

Undressing him was a challenge as well and brought more heartache. “Baby, when was the last time you ate?” Kellin asked, running a shaking hand over the bones of his shoulder, the too prominent collarbone, the ribs heaving up and down as the well-inked boy tried to breathe. 

“I…I don’t know,” Oli eeked out. “I think I had breakfast…I had tea…m’cold.”

Kellin swallowed the words he wanted to blurt, words that encompassed the frustration and disappointment at Oli’s seeming ability to take care of everything and everyone but himself. Here he had been feeding Kellin, making sure he had snacks to study with, had lunch everyday, made dinner each night, and he hadn’t cared enough to do those things for himself. 

“Alright, let’s get you warm then,” Kellin consoled, slipping a fresh t-shirt and sweat-pants on him, easier said than done with how little help Oli could give him. He tucked he comforter around him and the amber eyes watched him with exhaustion, dark circles beneath them. Giving him a sad smile, Kellin rested a hand on a delicate cheek, feeling the heat coming from it and asked, “Better? You want me to make you some tea and get some cough syrup?”

“Please…?” Oli whispered. 

“Ok. I’ll be right back,” he promised and kissed the other’s dark, damp curls. 

Kellin tried to gather his thoughts as he put the kettle on and set about cleaning up the milk, juice and glass from the floor. Worry was his over-riding thought. Sure he had heard Oli coughing from time to time during the nights, but that was to be expected when they shared such close quarters. Of course Oli would get Kellin’s cold. But to not eat? To let it get to the point that he collapsed with illness? How could he have let it get this far? And how did Kellin not notice? Work. Oli had been overwhelmed with work. Since firing Hannah, everything now rested on him and his two remaining employees. And of course with his exams and cold, Kellin had all but ignored the signs that were staring him in the face. Not eating meals with Kellin, never in bed when Kellin woke up and most times when he went to sleep, the exhausted gazes, the persistent cough all were pieces that Kellin failed to add up. It was the perfect storm. 

Regret washed over him as he hunted for the little herbal tea bags. He should have never insisted that Oli fire Hannah. He should have sucked it up and not said anything until Oli had finished the gigantic orders, and trusted his boyfriend. Instead he had let his petty jealousy reign, and this had been the result: Oli collapsing in the front door, too weak to even make it another step, thinner than Kellin had ever seen him. 

Sticking an ice cube in the hot tea to bring it down to a reasonable temp, he came back to the bedroom to find Oli asleep in the exact position he had left him, breaths noisy and congested, the wind from outside buffeting their windows with snow. Setting the cough syrup and tea down, Kellin sat on the edge of the bed and ran a hand through the messy umber waves, Oli looking uncomfortable even as he rested. The eyes blinked open as he continued.

“Want to try some tea for me?” Kellin asked gently, earning a tiny nod. Arranging the pillows behind him, he helped Oli sit up, but paused as he held out the mug. Long, colorful fingers were struggling to get a hold of it, weakly grasping in a way that made Kellin worry he’d spill it, let alone be able to lift and drink it. He couldn’t even hold a mug of tea. 

“It’s alright baby, I’ll help you,” he said as he caught Oli’s eyes look helplessly at him. Oh how Kellin hated that look. Holding the mug to chapped lips, Oli sipped greedily at it, as if he were dying of thirst. “Little sips,” Kellin cautioned. They made it through three quarters of the mug slowly before Oli fell into a coughing fit once more. The coughs were wet and productive, and Kellin disappeared for but a moment to grab a cool cloth to clean him up afterward. But as he wiped the face he grew horrified. Wiping Oli’s mouth left streak of red on the white washcloth, as stark as a lightning against the clouds. Blood. Oli was coughing up blood. He needed a doctor, and soon.

Swearing under his breath, Kellin rinsed the cloth out, helped Oli to lie down, placing the cloth on his forehead for the fever, and pulled out his cell phone. Sluggishly curling on his side, Oli gave out a set of weak coughs as Kellin rubbed his back, listening to the line ring.

“Kellin?” came the sleepy voice on the other line.

“Hey mom. I need your help,” Kellin rushed, trying to keep the panic out of his voice and failing miserably. 

“Are you and Oli alright?” she asked, her voice suddenly sounding much more awake.

“I am but Oli…Oli is really sick and I don’t know what to do,” he replied, fighting the lump in his throat. He needed to keep it together. 

“How sick? What’s going on? Did he catch your cold?”

Continuing to rub Oli’s back to sooth himself as much as the other boy, he explained, “Yeah, but it’s so much worse. He’s been so busy and he forgets to eat, and when he came home this evening he just collapsed in the door.”

“Well is it a head cold? Or is he coughing? A fever?”

“Yeah, he’s got a fever, and he’s coughing.”

“Wet or dry?”

“Wet, for sure. And…and there’s blood. He’s coughing up blood. And I tried to make him some tea, but mom, he couldn’t even lift the mug…” He wiped furiously at his tears. “I know he needs a doctor but the storm is so bad. I’m not even sure I could get to the hospital, or an ambulance could get here. I don’t know what to do. What do I do?”

“Ok, Kells, take a deep breath for me hun. Is he still conscious?” his mother asked, now in nurse mode, her voice like a balm to his hysteria. 

“He’s in and out.”

“Ok, I want you to make sure his temp doesn’t go above 103. Keep giving him the tea, water, or some juice. Let him sit up a bit, sometimes people breathe better that way. Give him some aspirin. Does it hurt anywhere?”

Kellin tipped the phone away from his mouth and shook Oli gently. “Oli. Oli. My mom wants to know if you hurt anywhere?”

The tattooed boy shivered awake and blinked up at Kellin. “Um…my head…and chest…chest ‘urts.” As if to prove the point another coughing fit overtook him and he winced.

“Chest. His chest hurts.”

“Alright. Let him rest but wake him up now and again. Keep an eye on his fingernails- those need to stay pink. Keep him comfortable and as soon as the weather lets up, get him to a hospital. I’m going to keep my phone on all night in case you need me, ok?”

Kellin desperately wished he could teleport her here, but instead said, “Ok. Thanks mom. Love you.”

“No problem hun. Call me if he gets worse.”

Kellin set his phone with the charging cable, getting himself ready for bed quickly before checking Oli’s temp and getting the cough syrup and some aspirin into him. Oli continued to cough intermittently, his entire body seeming to convulse with the effort that left him drained and exhausted, fighting for air. 

Time seemed to tick slowly by, measured only in moments of distress as Kellin did his best to care for his boyfriend. The power eventually went out, and Kellin lit candles to keep an eye on Oli as he sat with him, unable to sleep. Frequently he looked out the window, praying and hoping for the weather to let up so he could get Oli to the hospital. Save the time Oli had been in the ICU, it was one of the worst nights of Kellin’s life. Long he laid there, the only sound being the gale outside and the deathly rattles of Oli’s breath. Oli curled up against him, seeming to want the comfort of his contact. Every moment Kellin waited for the gurgling, the sound that Oli had taken his last breath. By morning his nerves were frayed. 

Reluctantly he left the other boy to clean the feet of snow off his car, and then a small path to the entrance of the lot. The plows were out in force, and it was still snowing lightly, but the winds had died down to occasional gusts. Returning to their apartment after turning his car on to get warm he discovered the lights back on. 

“Oli. Oli wake up,” Kellin urged, the hazel eyes turning owlishly toward him. 

“Tea?” Oli asked in a feeble tone.

“No, I’m taking you to the hospital. Help me get this hoodie on you,” he instructed. He turned out to be not much help at all, causing Kellin’s terror to mount.  
Once mostly dressed, he wrapped Oli in a soft blanket, lifting him once again, earning a faint whimper that sent a dagger through his heart. “I got you baby,” he murmured. 

It was hard, as Oli was that much taller than him, but being lighter helped, his limbs cocooned and his head resting delicately against Kellin’s straining shoulder. Frustration arose as Kellin wound through the streets to the hospital, the roads just then getting plowed an impeding their progress. All the while Oli continued to struggle to breath, the occasional cough interrupting the wheezes and crackles. 

Once to the hospital, Kellin threw his car in park at the emergency room doors and carried the boy inside. Immediately nurses were there, one calling for a stretcher while another began to take vitals on his boyfriend, the amber eyes blinking in confusion at her rushed words. 

“Kellin…” he mumbled, trying to grasp at Kellin’s hand as the nurses slid him to the stretcher, immediately placing an oxygen mask over his mouth. 

“It’s ok, we’re at the hospital. Let the nurses work,” he reassured, taking the boy’s clammy hand, which caused Oli to relax finally. 

Kellin followed them to the large double doors where he let Oli’s hand slip from his once again, and he was left, holding one of their fuzzy grey blankets. 

“He’s in good hands,” the nurse remaining assured, taking Kellin’s elbow and guiding him to the waiting room. “I’ll go grab the paperwork for you.” 

Kellin collapsed into one of the hard chairs and ran his hands through his hair, finally letting go of the panic that had been holding him through the night. He’d gotten Oli to the hospital. He would get treated, and he would feel better soon. It was just a cold. It was just a cold. It was just a silly fucking cold. But that blood…

He called his mother, called Vic, but then hesitated to call Tom. What if Tom blamed him? Kellin already blamed himself plenty. He didn’t need Tom giving it to him as well. Instead he waited, which thankfully was just a few hours, given how quiet the ER was, until he learned more. 

“Sykes?” The nurse came out and asked, to which Kellin was immediately on his feet.

“We have a room for him now if you’d like to come sit with him. The doctor will be along shortly. It looks like your friend has some malnutrition and a nasty case of pneumonia. You college kids are so worn down at the end of the semester, I’m really not surprised,” she chattered. Pneumonia. That was why he was coughing up blood. 

Oli was awake and looking uncomfortable when Kellin walked in. He was in a gown with supplemental oxygen tubes clipped to his nose. An IV flowed into his right hand, and another tube, one Kellin didn’t recognize, slipped through an opening in his gown at the level of his abdomen. 

“Oh good I see the sedation has worn off?” The nurse smiled kindly at Oli. “I’ll go get the dietitian so we can get you started,” she said and wandered off. 

Kellin pulled a chair over and sat on his left, kissing the other boy’s temple sweetly as he did so. “Dietitian?” he inquired gently, taking Oli’s long fingers in his own. 

“They put a tube in my stomach,” he answered, his voice sounding thick. 

“Does it hurt?”

“Feels…weird…” he answered, lips pressed to a fine line. 

“It’s probably to get something in you, since you’re too weak right now.”

“You got tea in me,” he complained before falling into a coughing fit. 

Kellin patted his hand once he finished and wiped his face. “Yeah? And that was the result of every time I gave you some.”

The dietitian was there a few moments later, and after setting up her tray looked to Kellin. “Did you want to step out for the procedure?”

“Um,” Barely noticeable, Oli’s hand tightened around his, gripping with what little strength he had. “I’ll stay.”

“Alright then,” she said cheerily. Oli seemed to relax almost immediately and closed his eyes as she did her work. “This will only stay in for a day or two until you’re feeling better. Usually we just wait, but you really need some groceries.”

After the dietitian came the attending doctor, who checked the tube placement and explained that Oli would be likely hospitalized for a few days, but his pneumonia was uncomplicated, and once he started responding to the antibiotics well and was strong enough to walk, he could go home. This was a relief to hear.

“I still need to call your mom…or your brother,” Kellin sighed as the doctor left. 

“Put the phone up to my ear,” Oli said softly. “Just dial my brother.”

Reluctantly, Kellin did as he was told, holding the little phone up to his boyfriend’s ear. 

“Hey. Just wanted to let you know we’ll be a couple days later. Yeah I’ve got pneumonia. No. No it’s ok. Kellin made sure I saw a doctor, so I’m getting treated. Just wanted to let you know. Ok. Ok. Cheers.”

“You didn’t need to lie,” Kellin muttered as he took his phone back, and Oli looked at him out of the corner of his eye. 

“Didn’t lie. You did take care of me, and got me to the doctor,” he muttered, looking worn out from just a short conversation. Kellin let it go, vowing to touch back on it soon. 

“I’m going to stay will the end of visiting hours but they might kick me out eventually. I’ll be back first thing in the morning in case you wake up and I’m gone.”

Oli nodded, fingers twitching in Kellin’s hold again. “Can…can you call Vegan and Mat? Just let them in the studio to work. Let them know I won’t be there?”

“Stop worrying about work. I’ll take care of it,” he reprimanded mildly. “Just relax and focus on getting better.”

Oli made a non-committal noise, but then asked quietly. “Sing?”

Of course he would asked. Letting his fingers follow the swirls of ink down his arm, he sang, Every year that goes by, a year older we are, you’ll still be beautiful then, bless your beautiful heart…

As he sang Oli’s eyes drifted shut, and the uncomfortable look left his face, and while his breathing was still harsh, it became even, and finally Kellin could relax. 

 

The next few nights were jarring for Kellin. It was amazing how accustomed he had become to sleeping with Oli in bed. Each day he would get up, and have to make himself breakfast, let Vegan and Mat into the studio. He helped Oli by finishing the last few orders to go out for Christmas. He even gave Mat and Vegan their Christmas bonus on the last day, and at Oli’s insistence, their pick of any of the left over clothing. Then he would head to the hospital and spend the rest of the day with his boyfriend. 

Oli seemed to improve each day, his strength returning with the color to his skin. He still coughed and coughed, but it was productive, and each day the intensity of each bout seem to lessen. His breathing eased. He kicked Kellin’s ass at Crazy 8’s repeatedly. 

By the third day, his PEG tube was removed and he was eating on his own. The IV was taken out soon after and the dietitian returned to go over the eating plan to help him slowly come back up to a normal weight. To celebrate Oli’s release from the hospital, Kellin picked up take out from their favorite Chinese restaurant where Oli had discovered vegetarian won-ton soup months ago. 

“Dog’s bollocks to be able to eat on my own again,” Oli sighed happily as he at another spoonful of the soup. Kellin sat opposite of him on the couch, their legs tangled together under the blanket, some cartoon on their TV. 

Chewing his sweet and sour chicken, Kellin watched him for a moment. He was still thin, dwarfed in his usual black hoodie, and was nowhere as strong as usual, but seemed so much happier now that he was out of the hospital. All Kellin wanted to do was keep it that way. 

“You need to get another secretary,” he said, shifting the rice around his take-out box. 

Raising an eyebrow, Oli’s lips turned down. “We’ve had this discussion. I don’t want-“

“I never want to sleep alone in that bed ever again,” Kellin interrupted, watching the hazel eyes go wide. “Not every secretary is Hannah, and honestly, if it kept you out of the hospital I would say rehire her, but I know you won’t. But I was so scared with you that night. It was like I was watching you bleed out all over again. You need help at the office. Hire someone to help you. I don’t care if they’re a super model. Whatever keeps you here with me.”

Oli stared back for a moment, looking through Kellin’s soul. Silently he hoped the taller boy could see all the pain and anguish he had caused by not caring for himself, and pleaded that he wouldn’t be stubborn.

“Alright,” he finally assented. “If my prince decrees it.”

This earned him a smile from Kellin, and he waggled his feet against Oli’s. “Your prince absolutely decrees it. He also decrees that there is a suspicious lack of ice cream in this house, and since you’re supposed to be taking a few fifteen minute walks a day, thinks we should go over tomorrow and get some at the grocery store.”

“Ah, my apologies,” he played along. “We must remedy this. We need black cherry, and I know you want death by chocolate. Wish they sold honeycomb flavor here.”

“We’ll just have to go back to England and get some,” Kellin grinned, and seeing Oli return it, let his heart rest. 

 

 

“No! Keep the blindfold on!” Kellin laughed while shouting at the same time, looking over at the passenger seat as he drove up the tiny one-way street. A strip of cloth covered his boyfriend’s eyes, and he had been trying for the last half hour to peek. Snow had fallen for Christmas and the subsequent days, and while Oli had gotten Kellin a leather jacket for Christmas, Kellin had told Oli that they needed to pick up Oli’s present on their drive back to their apartment, since they couldn’t store it at either of their houses. This had left Oli guessing day after day. Something new for his motorcycle. A BBQ. A shelf for his office. The list of guesses went on and on. 

Even their families had taken guesses, as they had eaten Christmas breakfast with Oli’s mother and brother as they opened presents, and then returned to Kellin’s for his grandparents to come over for dinner. His grandmother had even knitted Oli a very handsome grey sweater (‘He’s so thin! He must be so cold all the time!’) of merino wool, which Oli was currently wearing. He really loved how soft it was, and the look Kellin gave him, the other boy’s cheeks turning a rosy hue and adoration in those pools of blue when Oli showed it to him, smiling with his tongue out, made it his new favorite sweater.

Finally he felt Kellin park, and he was guided out some distance and halted. Fingers fumbled with the blindfold and Oli blinked the bright light away to see a rather plain white building, labeled Humane Society. His heart skipped a beat. He turned to look at the other boy. “No…”he said incredulously, to which Kellin just grinned. 

“I already checked with the landlord, and we are good to go. Cat or dog. Whatever you want.”

Oli felt his chest flutter, and this time it wasn’t the start of another bout of coughing. Thankfully that had nearly disappeared. Grabbing Kellin’s face he crushed their lips together in the best thank-you he could muster. Unable to stop grinning, he ran up the stairs to the entrance, and Kellin followed. While Kellin grabbed the adoption forms, Oli set about looking at all the dogs. Big, small, yappy and jumping, he looked at each and every one, trying to find one that felt like a good fit. 

Coming to the end of a row of kennels, Oli peered in to see a little black and tan dog. As soon as it saw Oli it ran in the corner and cowered. Looking at the bio on the outside of the kennel he saw words like ‘returned twice’, ‘scared of some people and objects’, ‘go slow’ and ‘currently treating anxiety with medication’. Oli frowned. Signaling the kennel attendant, he was allowed in, and folded his legs to sit down on the ground to not spook the tiny dog. Slowly but surely the canine tip-toed over, submissively wagging the tiny whip-like tail. Once Oli started petting him it was game over. As if he had found a long lost friend, the little dog hopped into his lap and excitedly began to lick his face. 

Suddenly a shadow loomed over him. Kellin’s face peered down from the other side of the stall door and grinned. “And here I thought for sure we’d be taking home a pit-bull or something else giant and cuddly. Says here his name is Oskar, a miniature pinscher, and…he has a lot of problems,” Kellin trailed off, frowning at the sign. 

“He’s scared of everything. Just like me,” Oli said in a quiet voice.

Kellin laughed. “Leave it to you to pick the dog with all the mental health issues.” Pausing and smiling down at them again, he scoffed, “Ok Oskar. Looks like you have a new home!”

An hour later Oli loaded the last of the dog supplies into the cougar and sat in the passenger seat. Though it had only been a few hours, Oskar seemed to already have learned that Oli’s lap was the best place to be. He had a fancy new leather collar with spikes, and a little sweater to match Oli’s for the cold. The heavily tattooed boy could not keep the grin off his face, and had thanked Kellin until the other threatened to have Vegan sew his mouth shut. 

“So what made you think of this?” Oli asked curiously as Oskar curled up in his lap. “I didn’t know you liked animals.”

“I do! I just…well it was a couple things really.”

Oli tilted his head. The orange streetlights cast shadows in the dusk across his boyfriend’s handsome face. 

“I wanted to get you something special, of course. But I also wanted to get you something to remind you to take care of you.”

“Take care of me?”

“Well if you don’t feed me, I can feed myself, but when that happens you tend to forget to feed you too. Oskar you’ll have to feed twice a day. Which means that when you feed him, I want you to eat as well. I don’t…Promise me you won’t forget to take care of yourself again. When you collapsed and I lifted you…Oli there was nothing to you. And yeah the coughing and blood scared me, but you looked like someone had laid some skin over some bones and painted tattoos on it. That scared me more than anything else. So Oskar is going to help me make sure that that never happens again. Right Oskar?”

The little dog excitedly wagged his tail at his name, but Oli felt the weight of Kellin’s words. He hadn’t meant to scare him like that. He was just so busy, that he had remembered everything except himself. This was the perfect gift to remedy that though. “I promise,” Oli answered, trying to convey the weight of the words with the speed at which he said them, heavy and slow. 

Oskar was afraid of everything in the apartment at first, but after dinner seemed to settle down. After taking him out one more time, Oli got ready for bed, finding Kellin already snuggled under the comforter and scrolling through his phone. It was so nice to share their bed again after being home for a week. 

Sliding into bed and yawning, he suddenly heard a little whimper. Peering over the edge he saw Oskar looking up at him.

“No,” Kellin warned, flicking his blue eyes up. “We bought him a bed. He can sleep in it.”

“But it’s a new place for him. And he’s scared,” Oli pouted, doing his best impression of a precious moment figurine. That is, if tattooed, recovered drug addicts could fit that bill. 

With an exasperated sigh, Kellin turned his phone off and rolled his eyes. “Fine. Just tonight though!”

“C’mon lad,” Oli grinned and picked up the little dog and set him on the bed, then shut the light out. Turning over he felt Oskar curl up at his back, while Kellin cuddled up to his front, creating a cocoon of warmth that left Oli feeling pleasantly tired.

“I’m going to start wearing a shirt that says ‘I’m a sucker’,” Kellin sighed as he arranged his limbs with Oli’s. 

“We could get a sign that says ‘Kellin’s home for broken strays’,” Oli suggested with a chuckle. 

“That’s not a bad idea. We are the strays…” Kellin sang gently into Oli’s shoulder.

With a deep, clear breath Oli pulled him just a bit closer, and closed his eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> I'll be writing out Kellin's entire first year, as this installment rolls right into the problems of the next. I need to put more singing back in, I know. In the meantime I hope you enjoy their college adventures! Leave kudos or not. IDGAF.


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